Author: langlep

So 2020 was going to be my year. The year I got my life sorted after being served redundancy notice from my job in November 2019. The year I ticked off more things from my horsey bucket list. The year I got my mental health back under control and reduced stress in my life. I had a plan. And it was a good one. Then the plan changed dramatically on 2 January. I came off my horse at speed and broke my ankle. Badly. Like all good equestrians, I got back on and rode back to the yard, sorted Buddy out and then drove myself to A&E. That’s where this journey really began... I was sent home from A&E and told to crack on, only to receive a phone call later to say they’d missed a fracture (and a rather serious one at that). Whoops! So fracture clinic on 3 January, surgery on 5 January and home to recover. I started this blog as a way to chart my recover back to the saddle. As I cleared clinics and competitions out of my diary and wondered what the next few months would bring, it's been a safe space for me to say how I'm feeling. The new plan was to get a new job, to keep Buddy is kept ticking over and recover from my injury. Another good plan! I didn't expect a global pandemic, lockdown and all that happened in 2020. This blog has changed over time but it's continued to be my safe space to share the things going on in my life, with Buddy and the cats. Enjoy!

Tastes OK

Well it kinda resembles marmalade. Not sure if it’ll set or not, but it tastes good. Will try some in my toast tomorrow and report back. Still an achievement for me considering my culinary limitations. I’m kinda proud I even attempted it.

Reminder

This came up on my memories today. It reminds me that I’ve been though tough times before and survived.

I’m not going to lie, this week has been another tough one. I’m struggling with the lockdown, the isolation, the lack of human contact, losing Tom and a hundred other things right now. But I will be OK. I have to believe that. I’m not sure anyone is having a brilliant time right now, so let’s try and be kind to each other. Compassion, love and understand will help make this so much easier.

Say it with flowers

I had these beautiful roses delivered today from my parents. They wanted to give me a massive hug to say how sorry they were I’d lost Tom. But given that they’re:

a) 3 hours away

b) in 12 weeks isolation and

c) no-one’s allowed to hug these days, these were the closest they could get. They made me cry. Again. More happy tears this time.

Crying

I’ve cried more this year than I have in any other. I’m pretty sure about that. I’m not a cryer. I’m not very good at it. I’d love to be one of those movie cryers with a tear rolling down my cheek. But no, I am a very messy cryer. You know the type – all snot, weird breathing and red puffy face. Maybe that’s why I don’t cry very often. It’s exhausting. Today I’m crying again. The house feels out of kilter with only one cat. Neither Nero or I can settle. We’re both wandering about a bit lost. I look a right sight (again the joy of lockdown is no-one can see me).

I’m crying for what’s happened this year. I’m crying for what could have been. I’m crying cause I feel like I’ve had my fair share so far.

I did do something productive though. My first Zoom Pilates session. As it’s such a glorious day, I took my mat out into the patio. This was the view as I lay on my back. #norfolkskies