Today wasn’t our best day. I rode like a total muppet. I let Buddy down. But we made it round. Somehow. Came home with another cricket score for the collection. That’s another BRC Championship done!

When I woke up, I had a proper wobble. It’s a long way to drive. I was going on my own. I didn’t feel ready. Buddy wasn’t fit enough. You name it, they all went through my head.

I got to the yard, locked and loaded and started another Toby Travels adventure. Red warning light on the dashboard caused a minor freak out. Something about brakes. So I took him for a drive round the block and see if it went off. It did (and my brakes worked) so I pushed on.

Really smooth run through to Aston-Le-Walls. We arrived exactly when I was aiming for. The timetable said the course was at 3pm. I was riding at 3:56pm, so I thought I’d tack up, head down for 3pm and then ride in.

When I arrived, I was told the course walk was 3:30pm. So I was really early. Faffed about for a bit hacking Buddy round the lorry park.

Course walked, I got back on. Grateful to a random chap who held Buddy for me so I could do the course walk. The course looks great. Up to height but flowing. This was Combined Challenge – so a round of SJ, then straight out onto XC.

I’m not totally sure what happened. But when we left the start box, I turned into an insane woman. You could probably hear me from space. Poor Buddy! Not my finest hour.

We were clear till the last SJ. A bounce. Now we love a bounce. Sadly muppet features (as I shall now be known) brought him back too much and he stopped. Quickly turned him around and popped through. But took the last pole too. Arse.

He flew the first XC jump, then Mr Nappy Pants returned and he was so busy gawping at stuff, he had no impulsion to no 2. Represented and I tried to give us both a kick up the backside. I know we’re better than that! I’m pretty sure I told him that too!

The rest of the round was a bit of a blur if I’m honest. We had another stop somewhere but I think we’d both kinda left our bodies at that stage.

I do remember jumping the last and telling he was a legend. I was something that ends in ‘end’ too. I think the emotions, angst and all manner of stuff just all came out of me.

We did it. It wasn’t pretty. We weren’t the only ones to have issues either. I was so frustrated as I wanted to show we deserved to be there.

Having had a chance to reflect on it. I know my prep was wrong. Buddy hasn’t jumped on grass since July. He hasn’t been XC for years. I’m low on energy and my head has been a mess with Dad. I got so many things wrong today.

I’m cutting myself a bit of slack. I am proud we did it. Buddy is happily munching his body weight in haylage. I’ve been for dinner at the local pub.

One day, it’ll all come together… Till then, we’re winning or learning. Today was one of those learning days.

I went to have a chat with the cows this morning. They’re great listeners so easy to chew the cud with. Bert found a tennis ball in the undergrowth, he was much more interested in that!

It’s been another week of ups and downs. Sadly there’s been another blip with my Dad, so he wasn’t discharged as planned and gets to spend another weekend in hospital. It’s disappointing for him, but the right decision.

Buddy and I are off to Champs tomorrow. On Monday, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go with everything that’s been happening. I wasn’t sure I had it in me. Or if Dad would be OK.

We’re part of a team and I didn’t want to let the side down. A few quiet days and my energy levels are back up. I talked it through with the cows today and decide that whatever’s going on, I need to keep making memories with my Buddy Boy. This afternoon, I packed the lorry ready for the off.

First I have to get over the tears of filling dear Toby. That’s going to be rather expensive. Honestly the fuel prices are insane! Without getting political, something needs to be done before we’re all bankrupt. The world seems very off right now.

Anyway, I have no expectations for tomorrow. We will go, compete and have fun. Here’s to making memories…

My goodness the sky was glorious this evening. The nights are definitely drawing in. After spending the day in a polo shirt, I had to break out the ‘big dressing gown’ this evening as I got a bit cold.

The pretty sky wasn’t the only thing to make me smile today. It looks like my Dad is being discharged tomorrow. I’ve found him some respite care so he can continue his recovery. Let’s face it, we all need a bit of TLC when we’ve been poorly.

My nieces came to visit him this week and he got to meet his new Great-Granddaughter. She’s only three months old. And quite the cutie it seems! That all seems to have perked him up…

I told a friend today that I’d had a non-day. She rightly pointed out that it was a lovely day rather than a non-day. I had coffee with a friend this morning and rode out with another this afternoon.

It made me reflect that we can all be so driven by doing stuff, we miss the little moments. Are we busy for busy’s sake?

We are human beings after all. When did we become human doings? Bit deep I know. That’s what happens when I stop I guess.

The time I spent with friends, Buddy and Bert was valuable to me today.

As I was driving to my friend’s this morning, I noticed the name of a cottage on the road. It was called Langley Cottage. I’d never noticed it before. Now maybe it’s a new sign, or maybe I’d been too busy looking at the road. It made me smile for sure. So rather than sweating the big stuff, my non-day was actually about the little things.

Is anyone else’s garden a bit confused by the mild weather? I have spring roses back out again. It’s September, right?!

I noticed a few tiny sunflowers standing tall in the cutaway when I took Buddy out. I do love a sunflower. They’re such cheery little flowers. They always make me smile.

I also love the way that they move towards each other. Not literally, they do have roots. But the way they can end up facing each other. We all need support – in any form!

I’ve given myself a bit of a talking to. I know I’m not handling things as smoothly as I normally am. It’s understandable, there’s a lot going on. I left a few things out on the fields today. First with Bert, then with Buddy.

I nearly left myself out there when Buddy decided that a motorbike tearing fast him was OK, but a pheasant flying out in front of him wasn’t. Thank goodness for sticky jods, that’s all I’m saying!

Even though he’s calmed down a lot over the years, he’s still got one hell of a spook on him. After that I sat a little bit taller in the saddle too…

I really wasn’t feeling today when I woke up. Culmination of a few very busy, very emotional weeks. And a lot of driving!

So I did something I rarely do. I let Bert out for his morning ablutions and crawled back under the duvet. Bert rarely sleeps on the bed. This morning I was reminded why. He’s a total bed hog! Worse than the kittens. We both must have drifted off though. Clearly I needed more sleep.

I booked myself an appointment to go and see my lovely chiro. She worked her magic and I was feeling more level again. Literally and metaphysically.

I was doing OK till I knocked my full barrow over while doing Maid Duty. That was the last straw. Again literally. I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, scream or give in. Think it was a combination of all of them. Sometimes you just have to let it all out.

At least by the time I got in the saddle, I’d regain my composure. Buddy doesn’t need a bawling emotional wreck on his back. That’s not fair on him. I went out with tears in my eyes and came back with a huge smile. My little boy is the best therapist I could have. He really is.

I saw this air freshener hanging up in the car I parked next to in the hospital car park this morning. It made me laugh a little bit too hard. I showed it to my Dad and he had a similar reaction.

Let’s face it, we’ve all driven like a manic when we need to toilet. I’ve driven like an F1 driver heading to the pits as I’ve entered a service car park before. Trying to control my badder as you go over the speed bumps.

Coming home, I had a different challenge. It took nearly six hours to get back! A broken down car was causing chaos on the M25. Call me critic if you like, but given there were Highways men there and had coned said car off, wouldn’t it have made more sense to push it to the side of the road. Rather than cause a two hour tailback?! Probably some safety rule.

I have to admit, when I hit the end of the queue my heart sank. Having sat for over 30 minute not moving, I burst into tears. All of the emotions from the past few weeks tumbled out of my eyes.

By the time I got going again, I didn’t want to stop. My bladder (and Bert’s) had different ideas. So we had to make a pit stop of our own. I grabbed some food and ate it too fast, giving myself hiccups. I’d forgotten how uncomfortable and painful they can be.

Still, we made it home without any more issues. My Dad wasn’t as good today when I saw him. It’s a bit of a worry but he’s being well cared for. I’m sure I’ll be feeling more level again after a good night in my own bed. After the past few weeks, I’m sure I have a bit of sleep to catch up on…

Today would have been my
Mum’s birthday. It also marks two years since I last saw her. It’s been a tough day with my Dad in hospital too. He was in hospital for his birthday, now he is in hospital for hers.

Losing a parent is really hard. No-one prepares you for it. Facing the thought of losing my remaining one is really tough.

I took Bert out for a long walk to clear my head. It always feels a bit weird staying at my parents without them. He met another Spaniel and played ball with him. His owners were surprised that Bert was faster than their working cocker spaniel. Watching his enthusiasm lifted my mood a little.

My Dad’s next-door neighbour popped round last night with two apple turnovers – one of my Mum’s favourites. She thought it would make us smile on a bit of a bittersweet day. She didn’t know he was in hospital sadly. It was so sweet of her.

I took them up to him when I visited him. He was better than when I saw him yesterday. He enjoyed the apple turnover as much as I did. We could t raise a glass to her, so a pastry was a good substitute. Happy Birthday Mum.

Another day, another trip round the M25. At least this time I didn’t have to do the whole thing this time.

I got a call yesterday to say that my Dad had been taken to hospital. Again. It didn’t sound good, so I came to see him.

As I walked to the ward he’s on, I noticed a collection of rubber ducks. I’m a big fan of a rubber duck. I have a bit of a collection, even though I don’t actually have a bath.

They made me smile. Hopefully they do the same for the patients and staff at the hospital. Makes you wonder how it started. I feel like there’s a story behind it…

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little tired and achy today. Sign of a good camp. Another sign is the mountain of washing and stuff to sort. Honestly, I don’t know how I end up with quite so much. Guess that’s what happens when you go away with two ‘kids’.

The camp clean up was on today. Several loads done and hung out. This is my latest Practical Pip moment. I’m fed up of washing Buddy’s boots and the Velcro getting stuck together. So I bought one of these delicates bags to try. It’s the perfect size and means I can throw them in the washer without them sticking to everything. It’s also good enough to store them in the lorry too. Two for the price of one huh?!