Honestly, there are times when I am amazed at how well trained Bert is. Here he is waiting patiently behind the gate while I deposit his bowel movements in the poop bin. Even though he can get through the big gap, he stays on ‘his side’ of the gate.

Imagine his joy, when I called him through. He tore off down the lane without a second glance to his Mother. Then came tearing back while trying to catch a pigeon. He still hasn’t mastered the fact that they can fly and he can’t.

He does make me laugh. He definitely added to my life. That’s for sure.

I’ve found some unusual things while out walking or riding, but this was a new one.

Bert and I found a towel on our walk this afternoon. We also found a lightbulb. I say we, Bert did. Thank goodness he’s a Spaniel so just held it in his mouth! And dropped it when asked. I put it in my dog walking bag (yes I am that person) and disposed of it when I got home.

The towel I left as I wasn’t sure if someone was coming back for it. I feel like there is a story there. Why would someone leave a towel randomly in a field? Answers on a postcard please.

After another busy weekend, it’s hardly a surprise that I woke up feeling rather snotty and thick headed. I’ve been running on fumes for a bit, so it was going to catch up with me eventually.

Thankfully I’d had that forethought to keep today free of meetings and plans so I didn’t have to rush about.

I’ve had time to fully reflect on Saturday’s performance. With all the transport drama yesterday, I didn’t really have time. I’ve rerun the course so many times in my head. I know exactly how I would ride it again if I had the chance. I know it doesn’t change what happened, but it helps me cement what I could do. And that I can actually ride!

It showed up some gaps in our training and highlighted our lack of competitive riding. Again. These aren’t excuses. Things have been tough. If it’s not the weather, it’s the hard ground, my Dad and any other number of things.

The biggest thing I need to work on is me. My mindset used to be so strong. Lately, it’s taken a bit of a back step. I’m aware of what’s going on. Which is the first step. Now I have to do something about it.

I know I am a competent rider. I know competing is important to me. I know I’m trying too hard and putting too much pressure on myself. Carleton Riding Club is so important to me. I never want to let the club down or my team mates. I know this is a me thing. No-one has ever said anything to me that would make me think I’m not supported, valued or appreciated by the club. But that nagging sense is still there. So one for me to look at.

So yesterday I said I had a car crash. Today it was all about car issues! Everyone is home safe and sound and that’s what counts.

When we left Aston-Le-Wells yesterday to head to our stabling, we ended up going on a magical mystery tour. Several road’s closed due to HS2 (no comment). We ended up going down what can only be described as tracks. To the point where I feared dear Toby was going to tip over. It’s rather disconcerting being the lead driver when the road is getting narrower and narrower. And the Sat Nav kept re-routing.

After a few dodgy moments, we arrived safe and sound. Only to find out that one of my team member’s car had broken down and needed to be recovered. This morning as a team, we turned to the Four Musketeers. Her partner went with the car. Another team member hitched the trailer up to her lorry and her husband drove it back. And I drove her and her horse back.

All was going well till we got a call from the fourth team member to say that she and her husband had broken down too! She and her horse were recovered, leaving her husband with their car and trailer. They were recovered later.

You seriously couldn’t make it up!

I said I wanted to make memories with my Buddy Boy. We all agreed that this was a weekend we’d never forget! I came home with my memorial plaque, there’s a couple of photos that seem to show I can actually ride and three new friends too.

Today wasn’t our best day. I rode like a total muppet. I let Buddy down. But we made it round. Somehow. Came home with another cricket score for the collection. That’s another BRC Championship done!

When I woke up, I had a proper wobble. It’s a long way to drive. I was going on my own. I didn’t feel ready. Buddy wasn’t fit enough. You name it, they all went through my head.

I got to the yard, locked and loaded and started another Toby Travels adventure. Red warning light on the dashboard caused a minor freak out. Something about brakes. So I took him for a drive round the block and see if it went off. It did (and my brakes worked) so I pushed on.

Really smooth run through to Aston-Le-Walls. We arrived exactly when I was aiming for. The timetable said the course was at 3pm. I was riding at 3:56pm, so I thought I’d tack up, head down for 3pm and then ride in.

When I arrived, I was told the course walk was 3:30pm. So I was really early. Faffed about for a bit hacking Buddy round the lorry park.

Course walked, I got back on. Grateful to a random chap who held Buddy for me so I could do the course walk. The course looks great. Up to height but flowing. This was Combined Challenge – so a round of SJ, then straight out onto XC.

I’m not totally sure what happened. But when we left the start box, I turned into an insane woman. You could probably hear me from space. Poor Buddy! Not my finest hour.

We were clear till the last SJ. A bounce. Now we love a bounce. Sadly muppet features (as I shall now be known) brought him back too much and he stopped. Quickly turned him around and popped through. But took the last pole too. Arse.

He flew the first XC jump, then Mr Nappy Pants returned and he was so busy gawping at stuff, he had no impulsion to no 2. Represented and I tried to give us both a kick up the backside. I know we’re better than that! I’m pretty sure I told him that too!

The rest of the round was a bit of a blur if I’m honest. We had another stop somewhere but I think we’d both kinda left our bodies at that stage.

I do remember jumping the last and telling he was a legend. I was something that ends in ‘end’ too. I think the emotions, angst and all manner of stuff just all came out of me.

We did it. It wasn’t pretty. We weren’t the only ones to have issues either. I was so frustrated as I wanted to show we deserved to be there.

Having had a chance to reflect on it. I know my prep was wrong. Buddy hasn’t jumped on grass since July. He hasn’t been XC for years. I’m low on energy and my head has been a mess with Dad. I got so many things wrong today.

I’m cutting myself a bit of slack. I am proud we did it. Buddy is happily munching his body weight in haylage. I’ve been for dinner at the local pub.

One day, it’ll all come together… Till then, we’re winning or learning. Today was one of those learning days.

I went to have a chat with the cows this morning. They’re great listeners so easy to chew the cud with. Bert found a tennis ball in the undergrowth, he was much more interested in that!

It’s been another week of ups and downs. Sadly there’s been another blip with my Dad, so he wasn’t discharged as planned and gets to spend another weekend in hospital. It’s disappointing for him, but the right decision.

Buddy and I are off to Champs tomorrow. On Monday, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go with everything that’s been happening. I wasn’t sure I had it in me. Or if Dad would be OK.

We’re part of a team and I didn’t want to let the side down. A few quiet days and my energy levels are back up. I talked it through with the cows today and decide that whatever’s going on, I need to keep making memories with my Buddy Boy. This afternoon, I packed the lorry ready for the off.

First I have to get over the tears of filling dear Toby. That’s going to be rather expensive. Honestly the fuel prices are insane! Without getting political, something needs to be done before we’re all bankrupt. The world seems very off right now.

Anyway, I have no expectations for tomorrow. We will go, compete and have fun. Here’s to making memories…

My goodness the sky was glorious this evening. The nights are definitely drawing in. After spending the day in a polo shirt, I had to break out the ‘big dressing gown’ this evening as I got a bit cold.

The pretty sky wasn’t the only thing to make me smile today. It looks like my Dad is being discharged tomorrow. I’ve found him some respite care so he can continue his recovery. Let’s face it, we all need a bit of TLC when we’ve been poorly.

My nieces came to visit him this week and he got to meet his new Great-Granddaughter. She’s only three months old. And quite the cutie it seems! That all seems to have perked him up…

I told a friend today that I’d had a non-day. She rightly pointed out that it was a lovely day rather than a non-day. I had coffee with a friend this morning and rode out with another this afternoon.

It made me reflect that we can all be so driven by doing stuff, we miss the little moments. Are we busy for busy’s sake?

We are human beings after all. When did we become human doings? Bit deep I know. That’s what happens when I stop I guess.

The time I spent with friends, Buddy and Bert was valuable to me today.

As I was driving to my friend’s this morning, I noticed the name of a cottage on the road. It was called Langley Cottage. I’d never noticed it before. Now maybe it’s a new sign, or maybe I’d been too busy looking at the road. It made me smile for sure. So rather than sweating the big stuff, my non-day was actually about the little things.

Is anyone else’s garden a bit confused by the mild weather? I have spring roses back out again. It’s September, right?!

I noticed a few tiny sunflowers standing tall in the cutaway when I took Buddy out. I do love a sunflower. They’re such cheery little flowers. They always make me smile.

I also love the way that they move towards each other. Not literally, they do have roots. But the way they can end up facing each other. We all need support – in any form!

I’ve given myself a bit of a talking to. I know I’m not handling things as smoothly as I normally am. It’s understandable, there’s a lot going on. I left a few things out on the fields today. First with Bert, then with Buddy.

I nearly left myself out there when Buddy decided that a motorbike tearing fast him was OK, but a pheasant flying out in front of him wasn’t. Thank goodness for sticky jods, that’s all I’m saying!

Even though he’s calmed down a lot over the years, he’s still got one hell of a spook on him. After that I sat a little bit taller in the saddle too…

I really wasn’t feeling today when I woke up. Culmination of a few very busy, very emotional weeks. And a lot of driving!

So I did something I rarely do. I let Bert out for his morning ablutions and crawled back under the duvet. Bert rarely sleeps on the bed. This morning I was reminded why. He’s a total bed hog! Worse than the kittens. We both must have drifted off though. Clearly I needed more sleep.

I booked myself an appointment to go and see my lovely chiro. She worked her magic and I was feeling more level again. Literally and metaphysically.

I was doing OK till I knocked my full barrow over while doing Maid Duty. That was the last straw. Again literally. I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, scream or give in. Think it was a combination of all of them. Sometimes you just have to let it all out.

At least by the time I got in the saddle, I’d regain my composure. Buddy doesn’t need a bawling emotional wreck on his back. That’s not fair on him. I went out with tears in my eyes and came back with a huge smile. My little boy is the best therapist I could have. He really is.