I’ve been quite emotional today. Think I’m processing what’s happened in the the last 3 weeks. It was bound to happen at some point. I had a good cry and went to walk it out with Bert.

One thing that I realised was that I feel rather alone at the moment. I know I’m not, but was the overwhelming feeling I had. I’m grateful my Dad is still here. But it was another very close call.

I also reflected that a lot of the closest people to me seem to be going through stuff too. I guess it’s an age thing. I know more and more people who are losing their parents or struggling with life changes. So more and more people around me are grieving too.

I’m still grieving for my Mum. The fact my Dad has nearly died twice this year alone is making me consider a future without him too. Don’t get me wrong, I hope that is many years away…

One of the things I love about coaching is holding the mirror for others. Sometimes I have to remember to hold the mirror for myself too.

This isn’t a post for sympathy. If you’ve been following my journey for any time, you’ll know that this is a safe space for me. I will be OK. I just needed to let it out today. Not that I had much choice, the tears came and I didn’t stop them. Like I need to lose more fluids. I’ve sweated out enough this week. Best up the electrolytes. Again.

Well this seems to be a bit of a trend. Me, Bert and lots of trees. It was set to be another hot day, so I took Bert out this morning and found the shade of lots of lovely trees.

Given the lack of rain, I was amazed at how well things seem to be growing. Lots of saplings had sprung up since we last walked there.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I am so done with this heat now. It was 30 degrees as I drove to the riding club committee meeting tonight. At 7pm! So much for mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun. Now it seems to be hotter into the evening. All very odd.

I was listening to an interesting podcast while I drove. It asked the question – who do you need to be to change the world? Big question, but a simple one too. There’s is so much information out there. So much opinion. So much noise. So much distraction. It can be overwhelming.

As I sat in the trees this morning, I put everything on hold. We could learn a thing or two from nature. The trees don’t compete with each other. They don’t question their value or wonder if they are enough. They just grow.

It’s an interesting notion that if every human being disappeared overnight, nature would carry on and reclaim pretty much everything we’ve created. Seeing the solar eclipse yesterday makes you realise how tiny we really are. I didn’t draw any conclusions from the question. Other that I am going to contribute what I can. Hold true to my values. And be a decent human being.

There are some advantages to having a hairdresser on the yard. Today I had my twice yearly hair chop. I’ve done my best to keep it under control (imagine how you cut a horse’s tail), but there are times when you just need to admit you need someone more qualified with scissors.

She even popped in on her way to the yard. It feels so much lighter and bouncier. Well till I got rather hot and sweaty at said yard…

They came to change my conservatory window today. You might remember I had a smashing time with my lawn mower (shows how long ago it was I have NO lawn left).

Anywho, it was fascinating watching the process. The panel had held together for so long, but came crashing down as the chap took it out. That’s a lot of glass!

It’s amazing how much lighter it is in the conservatory. You wouldn’t have thought it would make a difference. It’s cooler too.

Of course the new panel now shows just how dirty the other panels are. I’ll wait till the hosepipe ban has been lifted for that one! Still trying to get my head round the fact we had such a wet winter. It seemingly rained for 40 days and 40 nights, but we’re got no water left?!

As we head towards another hot few days, I am officially over it. I want the rain back. I know, I know. What can I say? I’m British, I’m never happy with the weather…

A few years back, a friend of mine bought me a t-shirt that said ‘my therapist eats hay’. It made me laugh at the time. There are time I wear it, that the message hits a bit harder.

Today I put it on and headed to the yard to see my ‘hay therapist’. The past few weeks have been a lot, I needed his ears and to spend as much time as I could outdoors and be productive.

Luckily I had three horses to muck out and Buddy to poo pick. So that meant a lot of poo to shovel. It’s funny how calming I find it.

Once Maid Duty was done, I took Buddy out for a chat. He’s a great listener and his fee at the moment is some recovery mash. A pretty good deal huh?!

Not sure we reached any conclusions. Helped me though and that’s what matters. It’s amazing how much just being heard can help sometimes…

Bert and I headed out to beat the heat this morning. I took him to the woodland near the primary school I went to. That was a very long time ago. It didn’t seem to have changed much though from what I could see.

I love woodlands. I found a fallen tree to sit on and watched the sunlight stream through the leaves. Bert found the only bit of water around. Now we’re back home, he’s going to need a shower! He’s covered in mud and grass. He had a blast at Grandad’s!

I’m looking forward to my own bed, seeing Buddy and trying not to worry about my Dad. He’s in good spirits, but still has a way to go on his recovery. At least he has a recovery to make. Sounds like he was a very lucky man indeed!

My Dad asked if I could get the battery in his watch replaced as it had stopped working. So I headed to the local supermarket where they had a key cutting kiosk to get it sorted. While I was there, I got Bert a new dog tag.

His old one kept falling off and was rather small. So I went for a bigger version. One where you don’t need a microscope to read the telephone number!

I’m not sure how impressed he was with the bone shape, but he was very impressed with the treats he got from the supermarket. He carried one of his bones round most of the afternoon. Each to their own…

Look who’s home! Exactly two weeks after I found him mid-heart attack, my Dad has been discharged. It’s been a very stressful, worrying and draining time indeed.

He’s very tired but seems to be in good spirits.

Bert was very pleased to see his Grandad home. Till he realised that it meant he could no longer sit on Grandad’s chair. So we cleared Nanna’s chair and he’s allowed to sit there. The first to sit in that chair since my Mum. I like to think she would approve. She was an animal person after all.

Thank you to everyone who’s messaged, checked in and put an arm around me once more. It means a lot.

The Baby Sprocker excelled himself today. Somehow he managed to squeeze himself and his rather large bone down the side of my chair.

He was very happy sleeping there. I can’t see how it would be comfortable, but he clearly did!

He usually curls up under my desk and sits on my feet while I’m working. This was a new one.

I didn’t mind. Well till he hit my ankle with said large bone. Bone on bone is really painful. His little snores made me smile though.

I bought Buddy a new stable guard yesterday. A new stable deserves a new one. That and I could actually get the old one off!

I managed to get one of the hooks off, but the other one wasn’t budging. Luckily, one of the other liveries had one going spare so I was able to put it up.

Of course me being me, I picked a rather humid day to do it. Honestly the sweat was running down my nose. There was a bit of huffing and puffing as Buddy’s new stable door is narrower than his old one. Got there in the end.

I left him with his lick block while I went to poo pick his field. In fact, there was very little poo in his field as it was all in his field ‘day stable’. That is a big hit I can tell you! Actually makes the job easier for me too.

In fact, him moving to a bigger stable has actually resulted in a less messy stable. Work that one out?! I had wondered if he would be even more messy. Go figure!

He made me laugh when I got back. He’d clearly licked the lick block out of his stable. And was pushing the limits of his restraint. Cause it’s not like he hasn’t limboed under his old one before.

Thankfully my efforts were enough to keep him where he should be…