Another full on day but oh my goodness it was worth it. Buddy, Bert and I locked and loaded early to head to Suffolk EC in Bury St Edmunds for our latest qualifier. This time BRC Combined Challenge in 70cm.

I always forget just how far it is. It took me 1 hour 40 mins in the end. But I do drive like Miss Daisy when I have my two best boys onboard. We hit a new low in Toby Travels when I was overtaken by a caravan. Obviously, it wasn’t just a caravan. That would have been impressive. There was a car connected to it.

I left lots of time. We arrived to find they were running ahead. So a quick check of the course and I headed to tack up. We had access to the course plan ahead of time so I knew it.

Combined Challenge is a round of show jumps, then straight out onto a round of XC jumps. It’s usually held at Horseheath on grass. But the drought has turned the ground to concrete, so it was moved to a surface. As a result, it was more like an Arena Eventing course.

There was nothing as technical or difficult as the jumps we’d made yesterday, so I was feeling really confident. That and when I arrived, I was told my team was in first place! No pressure. Or actually no pressure. Whichever way you look at it.

My confidence was well founded. Buddy jumped everything at a plom. We came away with a double clear. And a time fault for going too fast in the XC section (it was an optimum time).

I felt I was probably going a bit too fast, but he was in such a forward bouncy canter, I didn’t want to fiddle.

My team kept their first place position to win and secure a qualification to the Championship at Aston-Le-Walls in September. So chuffed with that! I ended up in 6th place individually. It would have been higher if I’d taken a slightly longer route.

I’m so happy with my little boy today. I’m pretty happy with me too.

After my malaise of yesterday, I woke up feeling more balanced, grounded and in a better frame of mind. Good job too as I had a spot of jumping practise arranged before our next competition tomorrow.

I arrived at the yard at 7:45am and was in the saddle pretty quickly. We’d set out some Arena Eventing fences yesterday. And sweated a lot doing it. Thankfully it was so much cooler today.

Buddy flew everything. Including the new table top my yard owner has made. We angled it a bit and it rode really well. In fact everything we built rode well.

Buddy out in his field, my yard chores started. Once Maid Duty was done, I popped home to pick Bert up so he could come and have a run around.

While I was getting everything ready for tomorrow, I realised I didn’t have enough haylage for the journey. So emergency trip to the saddlery with Bert in tow.

That meant I couldn’t put anything in the boot. So my back seat was crammed with two bags of feed and a bag of haylage. I had to put another bale in the front with me. Smelt lush though. Once back at the yard and haynet filled, I headed out to poo pick.

And all before breakfast! By the time I got home, it was lunchtime. A very productive day indeed! It’s amazing how much difference a day can make.

Let’s hope tomorrow is as productive after such good prep…

I’ve been quite emotional today. Think I’m processing what’s happened in the the last 3 weeks. It was bound to happen at some point. I had a good cry and went to walk it out with Bert.

One thing that I realised was that I feel rather alone at the moment. I know I’m not, but was the overwhelming feeling I had. I’m grateful my Dad is still here. But it was another very close call.

I also reflected that a lot of the closest people to me seem to be going through stuff too. I guess it’s an age thing. I know more and more people who are losing their parents or struggling with life changes. So more and more people around me are grieving too.

I’m still grieving for my Mum. The fact my Dad has nearly died twice this year alone is making me consider a future without him too. Don’t get me wrong, I hope that is many years away…

One of the things I love about coaching is holding the mirror for others. Sometimes I have to remember to hold the mirror for myself too.

This isn’t a post for sympathy. If you’ve been following my journey for any time, you’ll know that this is a safe space for me. I will be OK. I just needed to let it out today. Not that I had much choice, the tears came and I didn’t stop them. Like I need to lose more fluids. I’ve sweated out enough this week. Best up the electrolytes. Again.

Well this seems to be a bit of a trend. Me, Bert and lots of trees. It was set to be another hot day, so I took Bert out this morning and found the shade of lots of lovely trees.

Given the lack of rain, I was amazed at how well things seem to be growing. Lots of saplings had sprung up since we last walked there.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I am so done with this heat now. It was 30 degrees as I drove to the riding club committee meeting tonight. At 7pm! So much for mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun. Now it seems to be hotter into the evening. All very odd.

I was listening to an interesting podcast while I drove. It asked the question – who do you need to be to change the world? Big question, but a simple one too. There’s is so much information out there. So much opinion. So much noise. So much distraction. It can be overwhelming.

As I sat in the trees this morning, I put everything on hold. We could learn a thing or two from nature. The trees don’t compete with each other. They don’t question their value or wonder if they are enough. They just grow.

It’s an interesting notion that if every human being disappeared overnight, nature would carry on and reclaim pretty much everything we’ve created. Seeing the solar eclipse yesterday makes you realise how tiny we really are. I didn’t draw any conclusions from the question. Other that I am going to contribute what I can. Hold true to my values. And be a decent human being.

There are some advantages to having a hairdresser on the yard. Today I had my twice yearly hair chop. I’ve done my best to keep it under control (imagine how you cut a horse’s tail), but there are times when you just need to admit you need someone more qualified with scissors.

She even popped in on her way to the yard. It feels so much lighter and bouncier. Well till I got rather hot and sweaty at said yard…

They came to change my conservatory window today. You might remember I had a smashing time with my lawn mower (shows how long ago it was I have NO lawn left).

Anywho, it was fascinating watching the process. The panel had held together for so long, but came crashing down as the chap took it out. That’s a lot of glass!

It’s amazing how much lighter it is in the conservatory. You wouldn’t have thought it would make a difference. It’s cooler too.

Of course the new panel now shows just how dirty the other panels are. I’ll wait till the hosepipe ban has been lifted for that one! Still trying to get my head round the fact we had such a wet winter. It seemingly rained for 40 days and 40 nights, but we’re got no water left?!

As we head towards another hot few days, I am officially over it. I want the rain back. I know, I know. What can I say? I’m British, I’m never happy with the weather…

A few years back, a friend of mine bought me a t-shirt that said ‘my therapist eats hay’. It made me laugh at the time. There are time I wear it, that the message hits a bit harder.

Today I put it on and headed to the yard to see my ‘hay therapist’. The past few weeks have been a lot, I needed his ears and to spend as much time as I could outdoors and be productive.

Luckily I had three horses to muck out and Buddy to poo pick. So that meant a lot of poo to shovel. It’s funny how calming I find it.

Once Maid Duty was done, I took Buddy out for a chat. He’s a great listener and his fee at the moment is some recovery mash. A pretty good deal huh?!

Not sure we reached any conclusions. Helped me though and that’s what matters. It’s amazing how much just being heard can help sometimes…

Bert and I headed out to beat the heat this morning. I took him to the woodland near the primary school I went to. That was a very long time ago. It didn’t seem to have changed much though from what I could see.

I love woodlands. I found a fallen tree to sit on and watched the sunlight stream through the leaves. Bert found the only bit of water around. Now we’re back home, he’s going to need a shower! He’s covered in mud and grass. He had a blast at Grandad’s!

I’m looking forward to my own bed, seeing Buddy and trying not to worry about my Dad. He’s in good spirits, but still has a way to go on his recovery. At least he has a recovery to make. Sounds like he was a very lucky man indeed!

My Dad asked if I could get the battery in his watch replaced as it had stopped working. So I headed to the local supermarket where they had a key cutting kiosk to get it sorted. While I was there, I got Bert a new dog tag.

His old one kept falling off and was rather small. So I went for a bigger version. One where you don’t need a microscope to read the telephone number!

I’m not sure how impressed he was with the bone shape, but he was very impressed with the treats he got from the supermarket. He carried one of his bones round most of the afternoon. Each to their own…

Look who’s home! Exactly two weeks after I found him mid-heart attack, my Dad has been discharged. It’s been a very stressful, worrying and draining time indeed.

He’s very tired but seems to be in good spirits.

Bert was very pleased to see his Grandad home. Till he realised that it meant he could no longer sit on Grandad’s chair. So we cleared Nanna’s chair and he’s allowed to sit there. The first to sit in that chair since my Mum. I like to think she would approve. She was an animal person after all.

Thank you to everyone who’s messaged, checked in and put an arm around me once more. It means a lot.