This photo came up on my memories today. It was from 9 years ago and my first trip to Burnham Market Horse Trails. I’m missing my friends. I’m missing Buddy. I’m missing eventing. I’m missing competing. That’s just the tip of the iceberg!! I’m missing lots of things. But this made me smile remembering a fabulous day out with fabulous friends.

Blimey! I’ve been on a ‘Shark Frenzy’ today! I’ve even hoovered my sofa!! I still have a hang up about the fact I was talked into getting a cream sofa with black cats. 🤦🏻‍♀️ It now looks a lot more cream. I may have to wash the cushion covers at this rate.

I have oodles of energy today. My Tigger mood has only been slightly dented by the fact we’ve got 3 more weeks of this….

I’ve got an ever growing list of things I want to achieve by the time we come out of lockdown. Including my 5th career. More on that soon. I’m getting a tad over-excited about it all.

What have you been up to today?

This was attached to the t-shirt I bought. Seems quite apt for now. Sure we don’t have the level of freedom that we used to have, but I’m actually starting to feel quite liberated by it. I guess I’ve accepted it and can now moved forward. I’m free from the constrains of my former routine and have created a new one. I get up, get dressed and show up – even if it’s just in my house or garden. Everyone is going to deal with this differently and there are so many emotions. Right now, I’m having a tigger day and feel pretty lucky to be alive. So I’m enjoying this high.

I was given this quote today and I had a massive ‘light bulb moment’. For months, I’ve been wanting and asking for my path to become clear, when actually I need to make my own path. And leave a trail. I’m feeling very inspired about my future. Watch this space people. Ideas are bubbling. I’m coming back…

I’m a big fan of lovely packaging. Many companies miss a trick here. But Om & Ah London have utterly nailed it. Not only did I get a fabulous t-shirt, it came in it’s own reusable bag. Beautiful!

Yesterday I told my next door neighbours that I’d lost Tom over the garden fence. Today they came round with some flowers to make me smile. They’re both on 12 weeks isolation due to medical conditions, so they asked their daughter to get them and bring them over for me. I’m so touched that they would do that for me.

So I had a bit of an epiphany this morning when I woke up. I’ve been so frustrated, angry and sad about this lockdown, it’s leaked into every part of my life. I need to stop fighting this situation and accept that it’s just a bit shit right now. Simple huh?!

I’ve been in limbo for the last 6 months for one reason or another, what’s a few more weeks. Great theory. I’ve taken this a little bit personally I guess. I know it’s not, but I’ve honestly felt like someone has it in for me. The hits just keep coming. I’ve slipped into victim-mode. I’m not a victim. I never have been. These are just the circumstances I’ve found myself in.

I’m struggling with it all. But I can’t change it, so I’m accepting this is how it is. I’ve tried so hard to put one foot in front of the other. But maybe I’m trying to outrun it.

I’ve come so far, sure I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m proud of myself for picking myself up time and time again.

As I opened my curtains this morning, it struck me that my camellia had bloomed fully and I’d been so busy feeling pissed off with life or trying to distract myself from the reality of my life, that I hadn’t taken the time to appreciate how stunning it is.

So take this time to stop and appreciate the things that are all around us.

A good day today after my meltdown yesterday. Cracked on with the painting. Finished the raised beds and even managed the log store (that’s been on the list for 6 years). I think I may have got more paint on me though. Still I don’t care, I had fun.

Happy Easter everyone. It’s an odd time for sure. It’s too hot to be Easter, it’s hard not seeing everyone, so this sums it up for me.

So today was a rollercoaster of a day. I slept really heavily last night, first time since the lockdown that I didn’t wake up during the night. Nero woke me up wailing outside my door. He sounded so distressed I got up to check and the little monkey ran in and jumped on the bed! He never comes in my bedroom.

My phone has broken so I’ve been lent one till I can get it fixed (which could be a while by the looks of it). I managed to knock the loaner off the unit and smashed the screen.

Cue meltdown! Every time I think I’m cried out, more tears come. It struck me that I haven’t had any semblance of a routine for 6 months now. I miss the comfort of getting up and going to work. I miss never feeling lonely cause I was too busy. I miss hugs and seeing people. I miss seeing Buddy every day. I miss how my life was.

Finally got over that and was feeling more balanced, then I got told off in ASDA for itching my nose. Honestly you couldn’t make it up. This woman yelled at me not to touch my face. To which my shouted response was ‘But I’ve got an itchy nose!!’ So much for #bekind, it’s #judgeeveryone. Very sad.

Still I did get to video call with my parents. And I made marmalade. I still can’t believe I actually did that!!