Epiphany

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So I had a bit of an epiphany this morning when I woke up. I’ve been so frustrated, angry and sad about this lockdown, it’s leaked into every part of my life. I need to stop fighting this situation and accept that it’s just a bit shit right now. Simple huh?!

I’ve been in limbo for the last 6 months for one reason or another, what’s a few more weeks. Great theory. I’ve taken this a little bit personally I guess. I know it’s not, but I’ve honestly felt like someone has it in for me. The hits just keep coming. I’ve slipped into victim-mode. I’m not a victim. I never have been. These are just the circumstances I’ve found myself in.

I’m struggling with it all. But I can’t change it, so I’m accepting this is how it is. I’ve tried so hard to put one foot in front of the other. But maybe I’m trying to outrun it.

I’ve come so far, sure I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m proud of myself for picking myself up time and time again.

As I opened my curtains this morning, it struck me that my camellia had bloomed fully and I’d been so busy feeling pissed off with life or trying to distract myself from the reality of my life, that I hadn’t taken the time to appreciate how stunning it is.

So take this time to stop and appreciate the things that are all around us.

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Published by langlep

So 2020 was going to be my year. The year I got my life sorted after being served redundancy notice from my job in November 2019. The year I ticked off more things from my horsey bucket list. The year I got my mental health back under control and reduced stress in my life. I had a plan. And it was a good one. Then the plan changed dramatically on 2 January. I came off my horse at speed and broke my ankle. Badly. Like all good equestrians, I got back on and rode back to the yard, sorted Buddy out and then drove myself to A&E. That’s where this journey really began... I was sent home from A&E and told to crack on, only to receive a phone call later to say they’d missed a fracture (and a rather serious one at that). Whoops! So fracture clinic on 3 January, surgery on 5 January and home to recover. I started this blog as a way to chart my recover back to the saddle. As I cleared clinics and competitions out of my diary and wondered what the next few months would bring, it's been a safe space for me to say how I'm feeling. The new plan was to get a new job, to keep Buddy is kept ticking over and recover from my injury. Another good plan! I didn't expect a global pandemic, lockdown and all that happened in 2020. This blog has changed over time but it's continued to be my safe space to share the things going on in my life, with Buddy and the cats. Enjoy!

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