Prancy one

This photo came up on my memories today. 10 years ago, Murphy and I were out dancing. We got a 9 for our final halt. The one and only time I’ve got a 9 in a dressage test. For basically standing still!! Kinda sums up my relationship with dressage.

I’d love to say that I’ve improved since then. Buddy is very different to Murphy. Let’s just go with I’ve tried really hard to improve since then. When he’s not spooking at the markers and I’m not riding like a muppet.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about my horsey goals this year. With Buddy being off games for a big chunk of it, it’s given me time to reflect on stuff. I know my biggest issue with dressage is that I don’t feel I’m good enough. So I’ve been looking at why. Not got to the bottom of it. Yet.

As equestrians, we literally pay someone to judge us! In my book, that takes guts and confidence. Maybe it’s time to stop thinking and just start dancing…

Faith

I saw this and it resonated. Today has been a bit of a reflective day. Once more I’ve been touched by people’s compassion and support. It really is the little things that can make a big difference.

A message to check in, an invite for dinner, a smile, a hug, a kind word. They all count. And make me feel seen.

Sunshine

Still feeling a tad crappy when I woke up. So stayed in bed and got more sleep. When I’m ill, sleep really is the best thing for me.

It was a lovely sunny day, so I once I’d gotten up, I sat in the conservatory soaking it up and recharging my batteries. It was still rather chilly so I broke out the blankets too. It does make me giggle as I feel like a 90 year old wrapped in a blanket with my cats. Still I was warm and the kittens appreciated it.

Being forced to slowdown has given me a chance to reflect on things. 2023 was a challenging year for me, but a successful one nonetheless. I haven’t really thought much about 2024 and what I want to achieve. So today I did just that. I’m starting to create my vision for the next year and beyond.

But mostly, I enjoyed the sunshine.

Adventurer

Tori James was one of the speakers at the Hoseasons Conference I worked on last month. Her story was so real. She’s an ordinary person who achieved something extraordinary. And she was such a lovely person. She gave me a copy of her book when she’d finished.

Today I woke up feeling a bit flat and rather snotty. So I thought I’d read it. It was a quick read. But a very inspiring one. Her journey to being the first Welsh woman to climb Everest is pretty special.

I love her sign off. ‘With passion, planning and self-belief you can achieve more than you ever thought possible. Remember your next adventure could be just around the corner.’

It got me thinking. As the year draws to an end, I can reflect back on the many adventures I’ve had this year. I’ve ticked many things off my bucket list. I’ve achieved things I never thought I could. Think it’s time to start making my 2024 adventure list…

Uncertainty

Today I had to write 2022 a lot. I must admit it feels really odd. I’ve had lots of conversations today about 2021. The main theme was making the best of the uncertainty. We humans can be very stoic.

Then I saw this and it summed it up for me. There have been many times this year when I’ve felt like I’m not getting anywhere. Personally, professionally or with Buddy.

But I know I am. I know I’m moving forward. And I’m still smiling.

It’s been a very odd year indeed. And it seems the uncertainty continues….

Pondering

I’ve been pondering stuff today. I took a friend and her horse out for a saddle fitting. As I sat in the lorry waiting, I had another chance to reflect on this journey so far. Sometimes we need to look back to see just how far we’ve come. And bloody hell have I come a long way! I’m still here. I’m still smiling. And I’m still doing my best.

Reflection time

So it’s been two years since I found out I was being made redundant for the third time and 9 years since I found out I was being made redundant for the second time. Talk about significant career date. You couldn’t make it up!

Understandably, I’ve been in reflective mood. I don’t feel like I’ve achieved much in the past 12 months again. Covidland is weird. That’s all I’m saying.

I didn’t think there would be more lockdowns.

I didn’t think both of my parents would be in and out of hospital (again).

I didn’t think I’d spend time in hospital with Covid myself.

I didn’t think being my own boss would be such an emotional rollercoaster.

I’ve lost friend I thought would be there forever. I’ve made ones I can’t imagine my life without. I’ve been scraped off the floor by some. I’ve been humbled by how far some will go for me.

I’ve learn so much about myself. It’s shown me that I am resilient, resourceful, determined, tenacious and so much more.

I’ve learnt to ask for help. I’ve learnt to help others the best way I can.

It’s been scary. It’s been emotional. It’s been so hard having to face so many things on my own. I’m grateful for the incredible people I have in my corner.

I know things will get better. I just have to keep moving forward and trusting the process. I will keep fighting, growing, believing, hoping and loving.