Head in the clouds

I woke up feeling very tired and a bit overwhelmed today. It’s been an emotional day. A really close friend of mine recently lost her big brother. It was his funeral today. My heart is aching for her as I can empathise.

It’s taken me back to losing my brother. I can’t quite believe it’ll be 20 years this year that he chose to end his life.

Although the circumstances are very different for my friend, the questions are similar, the emotions raw and life has changed forever.

Even after all these years, I have days when I struggle with his death.

I took Buddy out for a ride and looked up at the clouds. I had a quiet word with him. I hope he’s looking down and is proud of his little sister.

Proud

I woke up this morning feeling like the walls were closing in. It can happen when I feel tired, overwhelmed or I’m processing things. So I sat with it, reflected back on the past few years and talked it through with a good sounding board.

I’m nearly at the end of my second year of running a limited company. I’m so proud of my business. I’ve come a long way in the last financial year. It’s hard work being the boss. It’s uncertain a lot of the time. There are lots of benefits too.

It doesn’t feel very British to say that I’m proud of myself. But I really am! I’ve had many moments where I’ve doubted if I could make the money I needed to pay my mortgage, my bills and for Buddy. The money has arrived when I needed it. And for that I’m very grateful.

Is my business where I want it? Not yet. But it’s a lot better than it was. I know I’m bloody good at what I do. My clients are very happy with what I do too. And I get paid to do things I enjoy doing. I’m very lucky indeed.

Bin day

Now I’m a very intelligent woman (or so I’ve been told), but I’m still baffled by which bin goes out each week. Seems I’m not alone in this as I frequently look out and see a selection of bins out around the close. Today was even more confusing as they were all collected!

Got a letter to say they’re changing the weeks that bins are collected. Clearly the bin men got a bit overwhelmed by it all as I got back to find my bins scattered over the driveway. I nearly drove over the food waste bin.

Made me giggle as I had to do some interesting manoeuvres onto the driveway. Still not sure what bin goes out next week. Will cross that bridge next Sunday…

Resting isn’t lazy

I woke up feeling quite down this morning. I’m tired, drained and a bit overwhelmed. So I cut myself a bit of slack and retreated to the conservatory. I sat cuddling the kittens and watched the clouds go by. I had a good cry as well.

Things aren’t where I want them right now. I’m doing my best. It’s exhausting some days. Running your own business takes so much energy. Supporting my parents took a lot out of me too. I’m spinning so many plates right now, it’s understandable I’m feeling a bit spent.

So today I rested. The powers that be decided that I shouldn’t be alone as a good friend rang the doorbell. And she brought me a taste of Scotland. Just what I needed.

I’m learning that resting doesn’t mean I’m lazy. It means I’m getting my energy back so I can go again.