Reflections

Bit of a weird day for me. 10 years ago my then husband came home and said he didn’t want to be married anymore. Another life-changing event in my life.

I’m sad that it didn’t work. I honestly thought after everything that happened after my brother’s death, we would get through anything. But it wasn’t to be. I’ve accepted my part in it’s failure and I’m working on forgiving myself.

I chose to fight for me rather than my marriage. I chose to put my energy into creating a life that worked for me. Rightly or wrongly. I’m very proud of how I have handled the trials and tribulations of the past 10 years alone. And let’s face it there have been some doozies!

I’m disappointed that I haven’t met someone else. I know I needed this time to heal, rebuild and grow. To work on me. To work out what I need in my life. And what brings me joy.

Today, I sat on my conservatory steps and reflected on how far I’ve come in the past decade. I sure didn’t think I’d still be single. Again, that’s how the cards have fallen.

I’m sure I will meet another man one day. This time I won’t need rescuing though. Till then, I have a ‘stable’ relationship. Yes, I’m talking about Buddy.

And I’m know I have the love and support of so many people. I’m grateful for those who let me cry on their shoulders, vent my frustrations or help me with the mundane two-person tasks. Being single has it’s benefits. But my god there are times when I definitely need an extra pair of hands, a hug or someone to carry a tiny bit of the responsibilities I have on my small shoulders…

3 years!

Well well I started this blog 3 years ago! It may not had be been the success that I’d hoped for. But I’ve enjoyed it nonetheless. I keep blogging even if no-one reads it.

I started it as a way to chart my progress after breaking my talus. But it’s become a bit of a diary now. I enjoy looking back at the momories and seeing how things have gone.

Thank you to everyone who’s been along for the journey.

Two years on

Today is the second anniversary of the first lockdown. How optimistic and naive were we to think it would just be 3 weeks?! I’m not sure many would have dreamt we’d still be talking about Covid!

It’s been an incredibly individual journey for everyone. It’s certainly been a challenge. Sometimes it’s hard to remember exactly how tough it’s been. I have had very dark moments. I’ve felt scared. I’ve been totally lost.

The last two years have been an opportunity to redefine myself. I’ve definitely learnt a lot about myself.

I’ve also had great moments. I’ve met new people. I’ve started my business. And achieved so much.

Anniversary

Wow! I’ve just realised that I’ve been writing this blog for 2 years!

I started it as a safe space for me to talk about how I was feeling, to chart my recovery from a badly broken ankle and generally share my musings.

Has it been the roaring success I’d hoped for? No. Have I enjoyed writing it? Yes. Will I continued? Why not!

Thanks to everyone who’s commented, liked or shared it.

Here’s to the next year!

5 years

5 years ago, I made one of the best decisions ever. I bought Buddy.

I found him at a time when I was broken emotionally as I was grieving for Murphy and accepting it hasn’t worked with Phoenix. I was broken physically as I was recovering from a broken finger. My riding confidence was at an all time low. But he was the best cure for everything.

It’s not been an easy 5 years. There have been amazing highs, crashing lows, more broken bits, but I wouldn’t change a second. Winning a trophy at the Norfolk Show is still a high.

In the last year we’ve had lessons with not one, but two eventing legends. We’ve been to 4 training camps. Weve been to lessons and clinic. We’ve been to new places. We’ve met more people. We’ve made more memories together.

It hasn’t been the year we’d planned. Again. But again, who saw a global pandemic!!

I couldn’t love him more if I tried. He is now and always will be ‘My Absolute Diamond’.

Happy anniversary Buddy. Here’s to the next 5 years…

Leave a trail

So today is the first anniversary of setting up my business Leave a trail. At the beginning of the week all I could see was failure. It hasn’t been the success that I’d hoped for. BUT that doesn’t mean it’s not a success.

I’d spent the previous 30 years as an employee. Being self-employed is a huge change. I’ve learnt so much. I’ve been on an incredibly intense journey as I redefine myself.

I have to acknowledge that starting a new business in a global pandemic brings its own challenges. I’ve had many other challenges with my parents being ill. Me too. It’s not been an easy year.

I could have given up. But I’m still here. I’m still trying. And I’m still smiling. There have been lots of frustrstions, tears and tantrums along the way too.

I’ve met some incredible people this year and achieved a hell of a lot really.

And I remember why I started my own business. To give me the freedom to do the things I love while doing the things I love. Buddy is a huge part of that.

Here’s to the next year. Let’s hope it’s a bit more lucrative.

Happy Blog Anniversary

I’ve just noticed that I’ve been writing this blog for a year now. I missed the actual anniversary but there you go. I started the blog to chart my progress back to the saddle after breaking my ankle. I didn’t factor on a global pandemic though. Well who would, right?!

There have been a lot of twists and turns in the past year. Highs and lows. Laughs and tears. I think I’ve cried more in the last year than I have in any other. 2020 was challenging in so many ways for me.

This blog has given me an outlet for my musings and feelings. I hope you’re enjoying it so far. None of us know what the future holds, so for now I’m just trying to do my best.

Thanks for taking the time to read my posts.