Author: langlep

So 2020 was going to be my year. The year I got my life sorted after being served redundancy notice from my job in November 2019. The year I ticked off more things from my horsey bucket list. The year I got my mental health back under control and reduced stress in my life. I had a plan. And it was a good one. Then the plan changed dramatically on 2 January. I came off my horse at speed and broke my ankle. Badly. Like all good equestrians, I got back on and rode back to the yard, sorted Buddy out and then drove myself to A&E. That’s where this journey really began... I was sent home from A&E and told to crack on, only to receive a phone call later to say they’d missed a fracture (and a rather serious one at that). Whoops! So fracture clinic on 3 January, surgery on 5 January and home to recover. I started this blog as a way to chart my recover back to the saddle. As I cleared clinics and competitions out of my diary and wondered what the next few months would bring, it's been a safe space for me to say how I'm feeling. The new plan was to get a new job, to keep Buddy is kept ticking over and recover from my injury. Another good plan! I didn't expect a global pandemic, lockdown and all that happened in 2020. This blog has changed over time but it's continued to be my safe space to share the things going on in my life, with Buddy and the cats. Enjoy!

Ask if you need it.

So it’s been two weeks since my accident and I’ve now come out of the GA fog. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster for sure. Going from ‘phew I’ve got away with it’ to ‘it’s a nasty break and will need surgery’ was a big shock for me. And the emotions of knowing I wasn’t going to be able to ride for up to 3 months was hard to take. The effects of the surgery really knocked me for six.

Time does help. Two weeks on and I’m feeling stronger and more balanced (on my good leg of course). But it’s still tough going. I’m having to adapt to my limitations. Living on my own, I wasn’t sure whether I’d be able to cope. Or how I could get around, feed myself and general exist?! ‘Pip’s Angels’ have kept me going. They’ve fetched and carried. They’ve made me smile. They’ve made me realise that no person is an island. Everyone needs help from time to time. So I’m gratefully accepting it. And learning to ask for it. That’s been a big thing for me.

I’m still overwhelmed by how many people have get it touch to make sure I’m OK. And been so generous with their time. I’ve got a long way to go on this journey, but it really helps to know I’m not on my own.

There really are people who will catch you – literally in my case!!

My Absolute Diamond

As I have a little time in my hands, I put together a little video of the journey that Buddy and I have been on. We’ve come an awfully long way in our three years together. We’ve achieved a lot more than I thought we would. We’re every much a masterpiece and work in progress. Excited to see what we can achieve in the next three years. Once I’m off box rest, we’ll be picking up where we left off. Enjoy!

Olympics and me

So it appears that my weird connection with the Olympics continues. When I had my first breakdown in 2008, or Pip blip as it’s now known, the Beijing Olympics were on. I became Team GB’s head cheerleader from my sofa. I cheered myself hoarse. I cried when they won. I cried when they lost. Basically there was lots of crying and shouting. You get the picture. But it distracted me from the insane thoughts in my head and gave me a reason to get up.

Roll round to London 2012 and I led the internal comms campaign within Aviva. We had events to celebrate it. I got to hold one of the torches. We had bunting (and who doesn’t love bunting) in every office – including the Belfast Office. Again I felt like Team GB’s head cheerleader as I encouraged everyone to be a part of it. Thankfully there was a lot more cheering and only a few tears.

Then there was Rio. This time I broke my little finger coming off Phoenix. So it was a little bit of a repeat of Beijing. Except more physical pain rather than emotional. I also became weirdly addicted to archery. Who knew it could be so exciting?!

And now. Well I’ve just turned on the TV to find that the Winter Youth Olympic Games are on. So I’m watching curling. Again weirdly addictive.

This summer sees Japan 2020, so fingers, toes (and eyes) crossed I can enjoy it without incident.

Pets @ Home

As I’m confined to barracks for the foreseeable future, I’m having to find different ways of shopping for the stuff I need. Thank god for the wonderful world of online shopping!

One thing I needed to sort out was food for the boys. We’ve been experiencing what can only be described as ‘chemical warfare’ recently, so thought I’d change their food.

Went onto the Pets @ Home website to get some delivered and found something really cool. They do repeat ordering for food and other stuff. You set up a repeat order for the food and can set the delivery schedule you want. How cool is that?!

So now I’m never going to run out of cat food again. My boys will thank me for that! 😻

https://click.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/click?id=78B0X6wkh8M&offerid=432834.110&type=3&subid=0

Take the wins

I’m realising that this journey is going to be about little victories, improvements and milestones. Today’s are that I slept for nearly 13 hours, had a shower without wobbling about and only needed a 10 min rest before I could make my breakfast. 😊

I now have a chair in the shower. It felt a bit odd to start off with, but it definitely helped. I felt so refreshed after the shower (and the sleep).

It’s not sexy I know – it’s functional, practical and reduces the risk of me ending up going ‘base over apex’. 😂

Healing bones is exhausting

It’s amazing what a good nights sleep can do for your state of mind! Woke up feeling more refreshed today. I’m still exhausted but that’s cause all my energy is going into healing my talus.

I’ve started to accept that I can’t do the things I want to and focus on the little things I can. I can get myself up, I can feed myself and I can take myself to the toilet. That’s more than some people can. I’m just not used to feeling so exhausted from doing so little.

I had a shower yesterday morning, which felt so good. I then had to wait 30 mins till I had enough energy to make my breakfast. I remember this feeling from when I broke my little finger and thumb. Healing bones takes a LOT of energy. And this is a much bigger bone and a more serious break.

I’ve always prided myself on being self-reliant, independent and self-sufficient. There’s not much I can’t sort out. This injury has made me have to ask for help, accept others doing things for me and I’m very grateful they are. It’s hard though. ‘Pip’s Angel’s’ have been in full force since my accident. From cleaning my house, feeding me, shopping for me and even doing my laundry. These are just a few of the things I can’t do right now. I’m learning that it’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK to let others share the load. It’s OK not to be OK.

Skele-gro

Better night last night. I’ve now found 3 comfortable sleeping positions – hurrah! The ‘right side with my bad foot out the duvet’, the ‘on my back with my bad foot out the bottom of the duvet’ and the ‘left side bad leg bent‘. Hoping for an even better night as I’ve requested some sleeping tablets from one of ‘Pip’s Angel’s’ as my wonderful friends shall now be known. One of them popped in for a chat yesterday and told me that I need to be like Harry Potter for the next week and grow my bones back. Found this on Amazon – think I might need to get it to replace the one I shrunk. 😂

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07P83ZDGZ/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=langlep-21&creative=6738&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B07P83ZDGZ&linkId=beaf5c41c9a0ced77e4c84a89cd6a386

It will get better, it will get better…..

Another bad nights sleep. This is starting to do my head in. My cast is so heavy and cumbersome. If you want a bit of an insight, try wearing a boot to bed. Had to get up 3 times in the night to pee. My body is obviously trying to flush stuff out. That’s a really good thing, trouble is it takes so much effort to get up and go. I managed to get a sock caught in one of my frame wheels – cue me standing in the hallway telling said sock off while trying not falling over. I must have looked some sight!!

“It will get better, it will get better…..”

To add injury to insult (literally), I managed to graze my good ankle with my cast as I rolled over in the night. So now my good ankle is stinging and my bad ankle is itching.

“It will get better, it will get better…..”

Woke up to find one of the cats has brought up a fur ball. No issue normally. But at the moment, I can’t bend down to clean it without risking falling over. So that’ll have to wait for whoever comes to visit me today. You’re welcome!!

“It will get better, it will get better…..”

Made myself some breakfast and somehow managed to get myself wedged between my fridge door handle and my utility dirt handle. So now I have a sore hip too. Honestly my spacial awareness isn’t great at the best of times, but it’s even worse when I’m tired. Next time you make breakfast, try doing it on one leg. It’s hard work.

“It will get better, it will get better…..”

Finally sat down to eat my breakfast and realised I’d forgotten to turn the heating on while I was up. That was the final straw and I burst into tears. 😫

“It will get better, it will get better…..”

Right now, I’m really struggling with even the simplest of tasks. All of my energy is going into healing and just existing. I know it will get better. But right now, it’s really bloody hard work.

Still this little face can always make me smile….