So today’s achievement was to do laundry. I did a load and put it on the airer. Sure it took me at least 4 times as long as usual and I needed a nap afterwards, but I did it!

Go me!!!

After the hysterics of yesterday it was good to have a calmer day. But I still got to leave the house.

My friend picked me up and drove me down to the allotments for a walk with her dog. Well, I say walk, I crutched my way to a park bench and watched her walk and her whippet zoom around.

The wind was bracing, but I was so good to feel the sun on my face. I accidentally took this picture somehow. Just look at how blue the sky is!

I know I say it a lot, but getting outside in the fresh air really is the best thing to lift your spirits.

I then had a phone coaching session with Stephen Woolston Coach and Trainer. It really helped to calm the noise in my head and make sense of the thoughts. The biggest take outs are that everything that has happened is nothing to do with me. None of it is my fault so there’s no need for me to beat myself up about it. I guess I knew this, but to hear someone impartial say it really helped to reinforce it. More ammunition next time Rover comes to play.

I’ve also decided to park looking for a new job until I’m healed. So March at the earliest. I will be in a better headspace to make rational and balanced decisions about my future. I’m feeling good about that decision. Of course if an amazing opportunity comes along before then….

I have the best friends!! My friend who broke his leg last year has lent me his mobility scooter so I can get a tiny bit of independence back!

I’m feeling less teary and more level today. I’m shattered from my emotional day yesterday. A good friend came over yesterday and let me cry while she hugged me. Sometimes it’s as simple as that. Someone giving you a hug and telling you it will be OK.

She pointed out that I’m naturally the kind of person who rushed around at a million miles an hour. I’m always busy. I’m always on the go. So having to do nothing is so far out of my comfort zone in that respect. I’m frustrated and that makes me low. I get tired then I get emotional, which makes me tired. Fun huh?!

The goals I set myself for 2020 are still there. I’m having to accept that they’ll just come in a different order. Once I’m all healed, I can get back to them. It’s hard to accept that my energy needs to go into healing. More learnings.

So today, I sit in the sunshine and I’m grateful for the people I have in my life and everything I have. I keep reading your comments on my post yesterday. They’re making me smile. So thank you.

Boom! And just like that the black dog hits me square round the face. I was feeling so good that I’ve made it halfway through my cast then boom – I’m in flood of tears.

Depression is such a weird thing. I have anxiety as well so that’s a fun rollercoaster. One minute I’m high as a kite feeling like I should be doing stuff and beating myself up for not. Then the next minute I couldn’t care less.

But I’m learning how to manage Rover (the name I’ve given my black dog) without the help of Buddy. Usually I would have gone to the yard or for a walk. Or done some Pilates. I can’t do those things at the moment so I did a mediation instead. And I made a list of all of the things I like about myself.

Right now I need to feel good about myself, so it would really help me if you could add to my list. Just one thing that you like about me….

It’ll help me to tell Rover that I don’t need him. Or the negative things he tells me. It can be really hard when you’re battling with your own thoughts. This will make me a stronger person though. We all have our demons, so be kind to everyone you meet. You have no clue what’s going on in their heads.

It’s 3 weeks since my surgery, which means less than 3 weeks left in the cast. That’s cause for celebration! When I broke my little finger, I was back at work after 6 weeks. Even if I was going back to work, I’m not sure it would be that soon. This break is proving much more challenging. I’m going with it as best I can. And while I’m frustrated as hell, I’m focusing on the good stuff in my life. I’ll be back stronger and better before you know it.

Woke up at 11:30am!! That’s unheard of. And after a really good nights sleep. Woke up feeling sad as Buddy and I should have been at a clinic with Jeanette Brakewell today. I’ve had several lessons with her now and I’ve really enjoyed them. My aim is to be ready for the next one on 1 March. It’s good to have goal.

Feeling more level, I got up and had a shower too. I know it sounds silly, but that’s a big deal for me. It takes so much energy to have a shower, even with my chair. I’ve also now mastered the best way to have a seated shower. It’s not as simple as it sounds.

A friend popped over this afternoon with her little dog Dottie. She made me smile as she was tearing round the house. Not sure the cats were as amused though. Nero is definitely sulking.

I had a bad night with lots of vivid dreams. I dream a lot, but since I broke my ankle my dreams seem to be getting more and more random. Woke up feeling rather odd. Guess it’s all part of the healing process. I ached from yesterday’s outing. It was probably the furthest I’d walked on my crutches so my good leg ached too.

I did get a lift when a friend brought her 5 month old puppy to see me. And another friend brought me cake. So not all bad today.

I still don’t feel quite right, even after an afternoon nap. So now nestled back on the sofa resting…

I left the house again to go and see Buddy Boy. Think he was pleased to see me!

This was the first thing I saw on FaceBook when I woke up this morning. It made me smile as it’s very true. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on my life and the challenges that I’ve overcome so far. And there have been a lot!!

When I went to see a new therapist last year, I gave her the abridged highlights. Her reaction was one word – wow! She said a lot of people wouldn’t be able to cope with one of the things I’ve been through. Yet I’ve thrived through all of them. So I know I will be OK with whatever life has to throw at me next. Your attitude towards change makes such a difference.

Of course it’s scary. I will soon be unemployed. I need to know that I can pay my mortgage, bills and I have a very expensive hobby (though it’s more a lifestyle). I’ve always said that I’ll do whatever I need to to keep Buddy. Even if it means sacrificing stuff for myself. He’s that important to me.

So I’m thanking the lessons of the past and looking to my future. Whatever that looks like. But for now I’m living in the present as best I can. If I do my recovery right and let my body heal, it will put me in the best position to face my future.

Is that a bit deep for a Thursday morning?!