Felt like I was on restricted turnout today as I got to go to the yard this afternoon. It may have been windy, but it felt so good to be out and about. It was lovely to see everyone and Buddy of course. Extra treats as there was Millionaire Shortbread. I may have eaten 4 pieces. Well you burn a lot of calories on crutches.

Wow! I’m cooking on gas today. So far I’ve hoovered (worked out that I can use one crutch and the hoover as my second one), taken the bins out and emptied the recycling (by hanging the bags off my crutches). It may sound like an average day to most, but believe me when I say these are huge achievements for me. And I spent an hour in the conservatory doing my puzzle book. Oh how I do love a word search!!

So I took my new steed Sheila on our first outing. A friend of mine came over to accompany us out on a walk. This sign made me giggle as I’m not sure we’d hit that heady speeds. At least Sheila didn’t spook at anything.

It was good to be outdoors and we missed the rain. But it really brought home to me how hard it must be for anyone who’s in a wheelchair or mobility scooter. The pavements were undulating, the edges weren’t uneven and I really had to pay attention where we were going. Only had to reverse once as the pavement ended and navigate our way round some roadworks. It’s really opening my eyes.

My Pilates instructor popped over this morning too and gave me some more exercises that I can do while seated. They’ll help me stay strong physically. Looking forward to trying those this weekend. Well in between rugby matches! Bring on the 6Nations.

I left the house again to go and watch Buddy being ridden. It was really interesting to watch as Buddy showed off some of the things he does with me. Made me realise that it’s not all me and that I am a good rider. But I’m not a professional, so glad I’ve got help with Buddy’s education. This break from riding could be a good thing for us both.

I paid for our first training camp in May too. This photo was from the final camp we did last year. I want to be back at this level by May – if not better. I’ve got less than 2 weeks now till my cast comes off and I will be able to start walking on it again. So I’m setting myself some goals and I’m lucky to have great instructors who want to help me achieve them.

Facebook told me that 11 years ago today I did my first ever Lemur Duty. Yes I was one of the mascots at Norwich City Football Club. Little did I know that I’d go on to do it for 8 years. It’s still the most surreal thing I’ve done in my life and all came from asking for a chance to have a go. It’s a pretty cool claim to fame and not one that many people have!

I have so many stories from behind the scenes, so many memories and met so many people as a result. So grab any opportunity you get. You never know where it’ll lead.

So today’s achievement was to do laundry. I did a load and put it on the airer. Sure it took me at least 4 times as long as usual and I needed a nap afterwards, but I did it!

Go me!!!

After the hysterics of yesterday it was good to have a calmer day. But I still got to leave the house.

My friend picked me up and drove me down to the allotments for a walk with her dog. Well, I say walk, I crutched my way to a park bench and watched her walk and her whippet zoom around.

The wind was bracing, but I was so good to feel the sun on my face. I accidentally took this picture somehow. Just look at how blue the sky is!

I know I say it a lot, but getting outside in the fresh air really is the best thing to lift your spirits.

I then had a phone coaching session with Stephen Woolston Coach and Trainer. It really helped to calm the noise in my head and make sense of the thoughts. The biggest take outs are that everything that has happened is nothing to do with me. None of it is my fault so there’s no need for me to beat myself up about it. I guess I knew this, but to hear someone impartial say it really helped to reinforce it. More ammunition next time Rover comes to play.

I’ve also decided to park looking for a new job until I’m healed. So March at the earliest. I will be in a better headspace to make rational and balanced decisions about my future. I’m feeling good about that decision. Of course if an amazing opportunity comes along before then….

I have the best friends!! My friend who broke his leg last year has lent me his mobility scooter so I can get a tiny bit of independence back!

I’m feeling less teary and more level today. I’m shattered from my emotional day yesterday. A good friend came over yesterday and let me cry while she hugged me. Sometimes it’s as simple as that. Someone giving you a hug and telling you it will be OK.

She pointed out that I’m naturally the kind of person who rushed around at a million miles an hour. I’m always busy. I’m always on the go. So having to do nothing is so far out of my comfort zone in that respect. I’m frustrated and that makes me low. I get tired then I get emotional, which makes me tired. Fun huh?!

The goals I set myself for 2020 are still there. I’m having to accept that they’ll just come in a different order. Once I’m all healed, I can get back to them. It’s hard to accept that my energy needs to go into healing. More learnings.

So today, I sit in the sunshine and I’m grateful for the people I have in my life and everything I have. I keep reading your comments on my post yesterday. They’re making me smile. So thank you.

Boom! And just like that the black dog hits me square round the face. I was feeling so good that I’ve made it halfway through my cast then boom – I’m in flood of tears.

Depression is such a weird thing. I have anxiety as well so that’s a fun rollercoaster. One minute I’m high as a kite feeling like I should be doing stuff and beating myself up for not. Then the next minute I couldn’t care less.

But I’m learning how to manage Rover (the name I’ve given my black dog) without the help of Buddy. Usually I would have gone to the yard or for a walk. Or done some Pilates. I can’t do those things at the moment so I did a mediation instead. And I made a list of all of the things I like about myself.

Right now I need to feel good about myself, so it would really help me if you could add to my list. Just one thing that you like about me….

It’ll help me to tell Rover that I don’t need him. Or the negative things he tells me. It can be really hard when you’re battling with your own thoughts. This will make me a stronger person though. We all have our demons, so be kind to everyone you meet. You have no clue what’s going on in their heads.