Walking blindly

Uncategorized 1 Minute

Today has been a very weird day. Nothing’s happened. It’s just felt weird. Like I’ve drifted onto the rumble strip. Went for a walk to clear my head.

It was cold, so I put my hood up. Then realised I can’t actually see where I was going. I was literally walking blind.

It’s quite a good metaphor for how the world feels to me right now. The past 2 years have been a bit challenging for me and everyone in their own way. Yesterday’s announcement seems to have stirred things up again.

I feel like I’m walking blindly through life. I’ve followed the rules, I’ve done my best but quite frankly I am sick of it all now. The thought of more restrictions and talk of yet another lockdown have made me wobble a bit. The non-Covid toll is just too great.

I’ve spent the past decade or so learning how to understand my mindset and how essential it is for success. I know I’m having an emotional reaction and that all I can control is my reaction. So I’m learning to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. It’s hard.

I want to enjoy my life, doing the things I love, with the people I love. It’s hard to think things could be put on hold. Again.

I will be OK. I am OK. I’ve been through so much already, I know the drill. But right now, I want to stop the world and get off for a bit. I want all the silliness to stop. I want to live my life to the fullest. Not this half-hearted effort.

But my mindset is strong , I am still positive and I will make the best of whatever is thrown at me next. We’ve got this…

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Published by langlep

So 2020 was going to be my year. The year I got my life sorted after being served redundancy notice from my job in November 2019. The year I ticked off more things from my horsey bucket list. The year I got my mental health back under control and reduced stress in my life. I had a plan. And it was a good one. Then the plan changed dramatically on 2 January. I came off my horse at speed and broke my ankle. Badly. Like all good equestrians, I got back on and rode back to the yard, sorted Buddy out and then drove myself to A&E. That’s where this journey really began... I was sent home from A&E and told to crack on, only to receive a phone call later to say they’d missed a fracture (and a rather serious one at that). Whoops! So fracture clinic on 3 January, surgery on 5 January and home to recover. I started this blog as a way to chart my recover back to the saddle. As I cleared clinics and competitions out of my diary and wondered what the next few months would bring, it's been a safe space for me to say how I'm feeling. The new plan was to get a new job, to keep Buddy is kept ticking over and recover from my injury. Another good plan! I didn't expect a global pandemic, lockdown and all that happened in 2020. This blog has changed over time but it's continued to be my safe space to share the things going on in my life, with Buddy and the cats. Enjoy!

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