It’s OK not to be OK

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I’ve thought long and hard about posting this picture. It’s me at my most vulnerable. I’m not posting it for sympathy. I’m posting it for awareness – that’s it’s OK not to be OK. Especially right now. The last 48 hours have been an emotional rollercoaster for me.

Monday I felt useful for the first time this year when I went to work for my chiro. Sadly there were people who didn’t agree with that choice. That and the fact is come into contact with someone who now has CV symptoms. It was suggested that I go on 7 days isolation. Which I am doing. It felt like a bit of a kick in the teeth as I’ve spent most of the year in a form of isolation and have just going going again.

Then the whole country stopped…

Yesterday I woke up and decided to try and focus on what I could do. So I planted my seed ms and I was feeling good about myself again.

Then Rover decided to slap me round the face. Again. I felt so alone. I just wanted a hug and someone to tell me it’ll be OK. People are so freaked out about the virus. I’m not. I’m more freaked out about not being able to get a job, losing my house and not being able to keep Buddy – the things most dear to me. I just can’t see how the country can recover from the economic impacts of this right now.

The final straw was being told that the yard is now on lockdown too. I totally understand the decision and respect it, but it breaks my heart to know that I won’t be able to see Buddy for a minimum of 3 weeks. There will be people who think he’s just a horse. But he’s so much more than that. He’s the reason I get up when I feel low. He’s the reason I keep fighting and putting one foot in front of the other. He’s my best friend, my partner-in-crime and my confidant. He keeps me happy, healthy and sane.

I headed to bed last night and pulled the covers over my head, hoping I’d wake up from this nightmare year. It’s been so tough for me personally. I’ve broken my ankle, lost my job, my Mum’s had a stroke and I’ve been ill and. lost my voice. Now this.

So this morning I sat listening to the birds and wrote a list of all of the things I can do right now.

  • I can work on my Life Coaching and NLP courses
  • I can potter in the garden
  • I can tidy the house
  • I can clear my wardrobes
  • I can post clothes to sell
  • I can go for a walk
  • I can catch up with friends on the phone or video chats
  • I can do my workouts

So that is what I’m going to do. I’m not OK. But I will be. This is a very odd time. We need to be kind to each other. Look out for each other. We will get through this. Together.

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Published by langlep

So 2020 was going to be my year. The year I got my life sorted after being served redundancy notice from my job in November 2019. The year I ticked off more things from my horsey bucket list. The year I got my mental health back under control and reduced stress in my life. I had a plan. And it was a good one. Then the plan changed dramatically on 2 January. I came off my horse at speed and broke my ankle. Badly. Like all good equestrians, I got back on and rode back to the yard, sorted Buddy out and then drove myself to A&E. That’s where this journey really began... I was sent home from A&E and told to crack on, only to receive a phone call later to say they’d missed a fracture (and a rather serious one at that). Whoops! So fracture clinic on 3 January, surgery on 5 January and home to recover. I started this blog as a way to chart my recover back to the saddle. As I cleared clinics and competitions out of my diary and wondered what the next few months would bring, it's been a safe space for me to say how I'm feeling. The new plan was to get a new job, to keep Buddy is kept ticking over and recover from my injury. Another good plan! I didn't expect a global pandemic, lockdown and all that happened in 2020. This blog has changed over time but it's continued to be my safe space to share the things going on in my life, with Buddy and the cats. Enjoy!

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