5 years

Today marks 5 years since we entered lockdown. And our lives changed forever. In so many ways, it’s hard to believe it actually happened. It’s like a hazy nightmare or dream. One where you’re not sure if it did or didn’t happen.

I’m still angry, sad, bewildered, grateful and a thousand other emotions. I know others are too. A collective sense of grief for what was, what might have been and what we lost.

Have we’ve truly acknowledged the impacts of Covid? Do we actually know? I joked at the time that it was like we were in a social experiment. Given the current state of the world, I’m starting to wonder if it was.

I read a post today that really made me think. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have wanted to be making the decisions. Looking back, I’m not sure what it actually achieved. We seem to be in a worse state now than before.

I guess time will tell. History is usually written by the victors. Wonder how it will be reflected in all the chaos, scaremongering and lies…

Wakehurst

I needed to get outdoors today, so I headed over to Wakehurst Place this afternoon. Being outdoors and in nature are good healers for me. With all the emotions and stress of the past few days, I’d usually go for a long ride on Buddy. That’s not an option at the moment. So this was the next best thing.

Wakehurst Place is part of Kew Gardens and the National Trust. My Mum was a lifetime National Trust member, so I borrowed her card. We used to go there together. But I haven’t been for many years.

I walked round the gardens. Then found a bench to sit and reflect. The bench was dedicated with a line from a Wordsworth poem ‘To stay the wanderer’s steps and soothe his thoughts.’ Seemed rather fitting.

I had a chat with a magpie as you do. Before walking up to the highest point. As I sat looking out across the treetops, I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. Luckily there was no-one around.

On my way out, I noticed a plant I recognised. It was a Veronica. My Mum’s favourite. Can’t imagine why?! Guess I’ll be getting one for the garden.

Stand out from the crowd

I woke up feeling rather crumpled and a bit sad. It was ‘Dragon’ weather (where you can see your breath), a sure sign the seasons are changing.

After catching up on some paperwork, I sat and reflected on a few things. I’d had some feedback from someone I’ve been working with that also made me think.

I realised that I was started to get too much in my own head (overthinker, right here?!). So headed to yard and took Buddy out for a long ride. As we were walking along, I spotted this beautiful part of the hedgerow. Talk about standing out from the crowd!!

They say feedback is a gift. But you don’t always have to accept it. I’m not perfect. I know where I can improve. But this bush shows that we can all be ourselves and it really is the sum of the parts. Or am I overthinking again…?!