Welcome to blog! I started it in 2020 to chart my recovery from breaking my ankle (hence the name). I guess no-one saw a global pandemic coming. It's turned into a place where I can talk about the things happening in my life, my horse and my cats. Enjoy!
I’ve often referred to grief as being like the ocean – it comes in waves.
After taking Buddy out this morning, I felt like things were right in my world again. Then this afternoon I was hit by a tsunami of emotions. Not sure what triggered it. But they took my breath away and made me cry at my desk. So I let the tears flow.
I guess it was going to happen. There are so many emotions to process when you lose someone. Dying is a process. Grief is one too. How you grieve is very personal. No right or wrong way, just what works for you…
Think the reality of Buddy’s injury is starting to sink in. Six months feels like a long time. And it could be longer depending on how his rehab goes.
No camps, no lessons, no clinics, no competitions, no trips, no adventures. Well not for a while yet. These are the things that light me up and make us, well us.
Once again the goals that I set at the beginning of the year seem very far away again.
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m also very grateful that he will be OK. The relief is still very much there.
I know I’m not the only person who’s going through this or has been through it. But it’s the first time I’ve been through this with him. I didn’t have this much time off when I broke my ankle. Covid did put pay to so many things so 2020 wasn’t a great year for us. It really is true that it’s quicker to heal a bone than a ligament.
I can reframe it till the cows come home. Right now I’m sad, frustrated and disappointed. Again. So taking time to work through those emotions. I’m sure there will be many more ups and downs to come.
Looks like I am going to have to up the cheerleader role again and help others shine. Starting tomorrow by commentating at Poplar Park at the RC ODE.
As you can see Buddy is clearly traumatised by the whole experience. My oversized Labrador is enjoying the snacks.
Today hasn’t been my best day. I’m over-tired, over-emotional and quite frankly all over the place. Things from my past that I thought were resolved have reared their heads and slapped me round the face. So I’m taking the time I need to look at them again.
It’s OK. It happens. I’m OK. Well not completely, but I will be. I’m tired from spinning so many plates. I’m not complaining. It’s a good place to be. But it takes a toll sometimes. There’s a lot of responsibility on my little shoulders.
I feel rather crumpled at the moment. Life has been quite serious lately. I want to get the joy back. It’s hard when I feel like I’m being pulled in lots of directions.
I was a bit wrung out today after yesterday’s event. Spent the morning cleaning out the lorry, doing the washing (mostly his) and getting ready to head off to a training camp tomorrow. Found his XC boots, so they are now back where they live.
I’ve had a chance to process the goings on yesterday. Let’s face it there was a lot to process. I’m getting my head round it now. I’ve seen that most people in my section had dressage scores in the 40s. So I don’t feel quite as bad about it. Still don’t feel it was a fair score for our test, but can’t change it now.
The rest I can work on. I know where we can improve. There were improvements on last time. We stepped up a level. It’s not going to go right straightaway.
And I did get a lovely photo. Always a bonus. Another one for the wall of fame. To remind me we can still achieve things, even in the face of adversity, the deck stacked against us and the blistering heat.
Think Buddy is good with the height. Just needs to pick his feet up. 😂 Is it me or does 80cm look tiny?!
Tales, Tails and Talus 