More waves

This week I’ve been hit by more waves of emotions. The tears have definitely been flowing. So I did something I rarely do. I took time for me. I rearranged plans, I stepped back from commitments and allowed myself time to cry, process and heal.

I’m along way from done, I know that. There’s a lot to grieve for right now. But I’m proud of myself for making myself a priority. Little Bert has massively helped there. He’s made me slow things down.

I was meant to peopling today. My lovely Chiro understood when I explained I wasn’t in the best place. So instead, I took my No. 1 boy, aka Mr Fluffy Ears, out for a lovely ride with a good friend.

We talked. We laughed (mostly at our horses antics). But most of all we were appreciative of the joy horses bring us and how being in the great outdoors lifts one’s spirits.

I have no doubt there will be many more tears to come. Grief is very messy…

Best present

Well I’ve made it to the ripe old age of 54! Happy birthday me! And I got an extra special present today. I got back on Budy for the first time in a month. Oh I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed these ears. He’s still got a long way to go with his rehab. But the first constitutional under saddle is a milestone.

My birthday is usually a big deal in my world. This year it kinda snuck up on me. I hadn’t planned anything. And this morning when I woke up, I really wasn’t feeling it. After all, it’s only another trip round the sun. Things with Buddy, my parents and life in general has all overshadowed it this year.

Thankfully people in my life decided that it should be marked. I’m overwhelmed with the number of messages I’ve had.

I’ve had some incredibly wonderful and thoughtful presents too. Tonight I was taken out for dinner. And have had cake. Lots of cake.

Next year will be a big one for me. I didn’t get to celebrate my 50th the way I’d planned because of Covid. So I’ve decided to celebrate my 55th in style!

Setting sun

Today I’ve rested, I’ve cried and I’ve spent as much time as I can outdoors. Today was about me. The past week and yet more parental angst finally caught up with me.

I woke up feeling quite discombobulated. I’ve had one night at home in October. Funny how it goes like that. Things that were all planned out perfectly, ended up crashing into each other. Guess that’s life huh?!

After two long dog walks and an even longer hack, I sat in the conservatory with the dogs and watched the sun set on another day. Thinking about all the good in my life. And believe me there’s a lot!!

That’s the thing about life, you get a do over. Tomorrow is another day. It’s my last night in Beighton, so watching Strictly and getting lots of puppy cuddles.

Snotfest

The cold I’ve been fighting off has taken hold so today has been a me day. The twig burner has been going all day and I’ve been snuggled on the sofa with the kittens. They’re not the best ‘nurses’ but they do make great hot water bottles.

I watched a couple of movies. First Aquaman (I’m a fan of DC), then Despicable Me 3 (I’m a fan of animated movies). Polar opposites but equally enjoyable.

Early night for me I’m guessing! Normal service will be resumed soon.

Me

Tomorrow I turn 52. I’m honestly not sure where the years have gone. One things for sure, I’m nowhere near done!

I’ve packed a lot into each spin around the sun. I’ve tried to live my life to the fullest. To be a kind, caring and loving person. To help others where I can. To make a life that I’m proud of. And be a person to be proud of too!

I’ve had many highs and lows, ups and downs, adventures and disasters. I’ve got many scars. I’ve got more memories. I’ve done things I didn’t think I could.

Tomorrow I will celebrate my birthday. I will raise a glass to celebrate me. And I hope you will raise one to me too.