Robin Hood

I’ve felt wrung out today. All of the emotions from yesterday (and the past few weeks) have taken their toll. My Dad was feeling the same. So we watched one of my Mum’s favourite Disney film, Robin Hood.

I’ve seen it so many times, I practically know all the words. When Prince John gets called ‘PJ’, it always makes me smile. I’m a PJ too. So it was a running family joke when I was a kid.

The subject matter is a bit topical too. The nation being taxed to the brink isn’t new it seems. Very sad that we have seemingly learnt so little from history. Back then it was fund wars and conquests. Now, I’m honestly not sure what it’s to fund?!

I wonder how much I’ve paid in taxes so far in my life. A lot more than I’ve spent I’m sure. At least in Robin Hood’s time, the taxes were more obvious. Now they’re so widespread, it’s hard to even tell what you’re paying out.

I know I’m in a heightened emotional state, so forgive me if I’m off here, but the world seems very weird right now. What is it they say about the two things in life you can count on – death and taxes.

Thank goodness for Disney and a bit of escapism.

Registrar

And just like that, I’m back down South. We are now able to register my Mum’s death. So I came down to support my Dad. The Registrars’ office has moved into the Library. It’s such a funky building. Many memories of coming here as a child. My first office job was across the road. So I would pop in here sometimes in my lunch break to pick up a book or two.

I have to say, it was a very surreal process. A few questions and fact checking. Then a death certificate is produced. And my Mum has officially gone. It makes it very real.

I love watching genealogy programmes. I’ve found out a lot about my lineages. Today reminds me that for every name on a family tree or death certificate, there was a life lived. Each person made memories, had many stories to tell and played a part in many others lives. We will all leave a legacy in the mind of those we leave behind. Bit like the books in the library…

Buffalo

Today has been one of my more challenging ones. Last night, I received the phone call I’d been anticipating and dreading in equal measure. The one telling me that my Mum had passed away.

After a few more phone calls and a very broken night, this morning I drove down to visit my Dad to tell him the news. He is currently in hospital recovering from an infection. And I wanted to tell him face to face.

As I drove down, I was reminded of this fact. So I embraced my inner buffalo and charged towards this particular storm. This is going to be a new era for us all. One without my Mum.

This blog will continue. There will be lots of tears I’m sure. For now, I am shattered, drained and feel like my head might explode with all of the emotions. Early night for me…

Agatha Christie

Finally got round to planting my rose, Agatha Christie. I’m hoping she’ll be very happy here.

I tried to put some wires up to train it against. Not sure I’ve done the best job so might need to rethink it. Maybe a trellis would be better.

Agatha Christie is one of my favourite authors. I’ve read so many of her books. I’ve watched lots of the films and TV series too. I loved Poirot, Miss Marple and Tommy & Tuppence.

How she came up with those plot lines was incredible? I’d loved to have met her to find out. She’d definitely be on my ultimate dinner party list.

Let’s hope the rose isn’t the subject of an untimely death…

Head in the clouds

I woke up feeling very tired and a bit overwhelmed today. It’s been an emotional day. A really close friend of mine recently lost her big brother. It was his funeral today. My heart is aching for her as I can empathise.

It’s taken me back to losing my brother. I can’t quite believe it’ll be 20 years this year that he chose to end his life.

Although the circumstances are very different for my friend, the questions are similar, the emotions raw and life has changed forever.

Even after all these years, I have days when I struggle with his death.

I took Buddy out for a ride and looked up at the clouds. I had a quiet word with him. I hope he’s looking down and is proud of his little sister.

My brother

This is a sad time of the year for me as I remember my brother who died in 2004. We weren’t close but it still makes me sad every year that he’s not here.

So tonight I’ll shed a tear for him, light a candle to remember him and raise a glass to his memory. Here he is bringing in the new year at the Millennium Dome. I love this photo of him doing what he loved most.

Wherever you are, I hope the decks are hot, the drinks are cold and the party is banging. RIP Chris.

Memento

A few weeks ago one of gentlemen on my meal delivery route mentioned that he’d run out of books to read. So I took him a bag of books that I had in the garage. Tonight he handed me this. He’d found it in one of the books.

This was for the flight when I got married. For a long time afterwards, I couldn’t think about my wedding without being sad. It was the last time I saw my brother before his death.

NLP coaching really helped me to look back at the events in a different way. I’m grateful I found it. And very grateful I get to help others using it too.

Even though I’m no longer married, I smiled tonight when I saw this boarding pass. It brought back happy memories. All part of my life story.