Goodbye Mum

Today I said goodbye to my Mum. It was a beautiful service. Very emotional at times. Thank goodness we all took tissues!

It was lovely that so many people came too. We had a ‘very good spread’ after as well. Such a British thing to compliment a buffet. I’m sure she would have approved.

Thank you to everyone who messaged me this morning to say they were thinking of us today.

Blunder

Today’s good news is that the Comedy Car is fixed! And passed his MOT as well. Whoop whoop! The downside is the bill. Oh well, at least I got to my Dad’s safely for my Mum’s funeral tomorrow.

Clearly things are affecting me more than I thought. I made a blunder at the petrol station. No, I didn’t put the wrong fuel in. I paid for the wrong pump! I have NEVER done that before. I was a bit distracted it’s true. I paid for what I thought was my pump, only for a lady to come in and try to pay for it too. That’s when I realised my mistake.

The poor cashier didn’t know how to refund me. Typically the pump I’d paid for was more than mine. So I said to let it go and have the extra on me. The lovely lady wouldn’t take it, so paid for mine and gave me cash for the difference.

I did explained the fact I was a bit distracted as I was on my way to my Mum’s funeral. They were all very understanding. So no harm done.

Runneth over

Well my cup runneth over this weekend. My Riding Club family have given me such a boost. So did Buddy.

It’s been a fab weekend. I’m still beaming from yesterday’s clinic. Being able to get back out jumping definitely filled me with joy.

Last night, I had a lovely dinner with Nicola Wilson, Simon Grieve and most of the Carleton Committee. It was great to catch up with them. So many laughs over great food. Very much needed.

Today, I was driver and support crew, heading to Wakefield Stud for Nicola’s second clinic of the weekend.

There are times when organising clinics like this seem a very daunting and thankless task. Seeing the smiling faces over this weekend, makes it worth it. Very proud to have played a tiny part in it all.

I know that this week is going to be tough as I head back down South for my Mum’s funeral. This weekend brought tears to my eyes, a smile to my face and more memories for the archives.

Olympian

Well it’s not every day you can say you had a lesson with an Olympian! But there were so many other reasons to celebrate today. Rather early start as we needed to be at Easton for 8am. Poor Buddy has just gone out when I got him back in and on the lorry. We left the yard bang on 7:30am.

We were booked into a clinic with Nicola Wilson. Nicola was an international event rider and part of Team GB, winning a Silver medal in London 2012. She was also European Individual Champion 2021 – 2023. Amongst other medals and achievements.

She had a career-ending fall at Badminton in 2022 and sustained multiple spinal fractures that has resulted in the loss of sensation and movement in her extremities. I’ve followed her journey from accident to now. Talk about inspirational. She has determination I can only dream of!

She is also the most lovely person. So I was excited to have a lesson with her. It was the first time back jumping at Easton since Buddy’s injury. The little worry doubts were in my head. Well Buddy soon quashed those. He was having a wonderful time. He jumped everything. Even with my dodgy lines. Honestly, I need to work on straightness.

It was the first proper course we’ve jumped since April so again, a big tick on his rehab. He feels softer, freer and very adjustable.

This photo made me smile, he looks like he’s taking a bow! He was such a dude today. I can’t stop smiling. And let’s face it, I need lots of those right now.

Tantrum

So today I had the mother of all tantrums. Guessing I’ve hit the ‘angry’ stage of grief then. To be fair, stuff has been building for a while. I rarely lose my temper. It tends to be apocalyptic when I do. So I work really hard on keeping things level.

What caused this outburst? Hanging a picture on the wall of course. It was a birthday present from a wonderful friend. Hanging it has been on my list for some time.

Now I love my house, but the walls are made of concrete so normal picture hooks don’t work. So I had to buy special ones. Which I did months ago, then promptly lost them in the pile of ‘filing’ that sits on my kitchen counter. Said pile annoyed me today so while I was waiting for not one, but two laptops to do updates, I cleared the pile.

Finding the special picture hooks, I thought I’d hang the picture. After several bashes to the thumb, bent pins and a chunk out of my wall, I lost my shit and threw the hammer down. So now I have a dent in my carpet and my concrete floor!! I was incredibly lucky as the hammer rebounded and hit to doorframe of a plate glass door! That could have been very messy.

More tears, expletives and stamping of feet – months of frustration, angst and annoyance came tumbling out. When I calmed down, I remembered I’d bought some of those sticky Velcro things for hanging pictures. The picture looks great and makes me smile.

My behaviour today also makes me laugh. I’m 54 and can still have a tantrum like the best toddler. Is it something we fully outgrow?!

Ghostly

Thought I’d take a photo of Hugo on my lap. This was the result. Very ghostly. And rather apt for Halloween. As is a black cat on lap.

I even broke out my Halloween t-shirt for tonight’s exercise class. Though there were some rather ghoulish faces pulled with some of the exercises. I’m sure Buddy will thank me for strengthening my core.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Tsunami

I’ve often referred to grief as being like the ocean – it comes in waves.

After taking Buddy out this morning, I felt like things were right in my world again. Then this afternoon I was hit by a tsunami of emotions. Not sure what triggered it. But they took my breath away and made me cry at my desk. So I let the tears flow.

I guess it was going to happen. There are so many emotions to process when you lose someone. Dying is a process. Grief is one too. How you grieve is very personal. No right or wrong way, just what works for you…

Bladder control

OK, I’m going to say it. It’s too early for Christmas! Thought I’d treat myself to a mocha on my way back from my Dad’s. I regretted it when I was stuck in traffic and needed to pee. Luckily, I’ve done a lot of riding and Pilates, so have a strong pelvic floor.

By the time I neared Stanstead, the full bladder has shifted from ‘mild discomfort’ to ‘OMG I’m going to wet myself’. While queuing for the services exit, I had to laugh as a lorry pulled alongside with two portaloos on the back. Someone up there has a sense of humour. Made me think of my Mum. As a child, she’d rarely let me pass a toilet. Just in case…

By now I was up to ‘it really hurts! So drove into the services with the speed of a Formula 1 driver heading to the pits!! Lewis Hamilton would have been proud! And trotted to the loo.

Talk about relief. But then I did relieve myself. Made me wonder why we say that. And it’s still too early for a Christmas cup…