Welcome to blog! I started it in 2020 to chart my recovery from breaking my ankle (hence the name). I guess no-one saw a global pandemic coming. It's turned into a place where I can talk about the things happening in my life, my horse and my cats. Enjoy!
How pretty is this rose? It’s almost glowing. The only issues is that it really shouldn’t be flowering right now. It’s so mild, I have lots of things coming back. My sweet peas have started to grow again.
Not that I’m complaining. My garden looks really pretty with lots of new growth. My lawn needs mowing. But it’s nearly November.
The weather feels as surreal as my life right now. So I’m grounding myself and focusing on the little things.
It’s been way too long since I caught up with this beauty. She’s one of my ‘wise women’. I love chatting to her. We met at the Assembly House for lunch. Both of us having major flashbacks to events there. We both worked at Aviva, but didn’t know each other then. We mixed in the same circles, but it was only after we both left, we met through horses.
We have so much in common. We’re both Sussex girls and used to work for London & Edinburgh in Worthing many moons ago. Funny how life goes like that. You have chances to meet and don’t. But then when the stars align, it’s magical.
Even though we have caught up for ages, it was like no time had passed at all. I love it when that happens. Thank you Anna, you were definitely good for my soul today.
Buddy finally had his first clip today. I’ve had to put it back twice as he didn’t have much to clip! It’s been so mild that he’s been getting a bit sweaty. So glad he’s done.
Clipping with Buddy has been quite the journey. He’s gone from histrionics to mild indifference. We were reminiscing about some of his antics. He’s rather ticklish so he’s still expressive. He still doesn’t like his ears or face doing. But for the most part, he was a really good boy for Beki.
Doesn’t he look smart?
The sky was on fire when I got back from the yard. It was so radiant that it gave the whole garden a pinky hue. It was very pretty indeed! As are the flowers that have blossomed. Again. I have things in bloom that should be out in Spring!!
I woke up feeling quite disconnected today. So I pottered before taking Buddy out for a lovely long ride out. Best way to ground myself. The last week has been an emotional rollercoaster. It will take time to come to terms with it all.
If the saying is anything to go by, tomorrow will be a nice date. But never mind shepherd’s delight. A red sky at night was Pip’s delight too.
I’m back home after a very long and emotional week. Driving back gave me time to reflect on things. My Mum has been very poorly for over 5 years. It’s been a lot. I guess I’ve had plenty of time to think about her passing. Rehearse it in many ways. Don’t get me wrong, there’s much sadness. There are also a lifetime of memories to look back at too.
I listened to a podcast on the way back that compared life to a roadtrip. The irony of me listening to it on the M25 wasn’t lost believe me. When you drive, you spend more time looking at the road ahead than you do looking in your rear view mirror. I guess that’s why the windscreen is bigger than the rear window.
It was an interesting analogy. And got me thinking about where I’m heading. Not literally of course. My first stop was to see Buddy, well after getting home and seeing the kittens. The kittens were very pleased to see me. Buddy was more interested in his hay. He did give me a couple of smooches. I’ll take that. And an evening of kitten cuddles on the sofa.
I know I will need to head back to my Dad’s again soon. But for now, I’m happy to be home.
This photo came up on my memories today. 10 years ago, Murphy and I were out dancing. We got a 9 for our final halt. The one and only time I’ve got a 9 in a dressage test. For basically standing still!! Kinda sums up my relationship with dressage.
I’d love to say that I’ve improved since then. Buddy is very different to Murphy. Let’s just go with I’ve tried really hard to improve since then. When he’s not spooking at the markers and I’m not riding like a muppet.
I’ve had a lot of time to think about my horsey goals this year. With Buddy being off games for a big chunk of it, it’s given me time to reflect on stuff. I know my biggest issue with dressage is that I don’t feel I’m good enough. So I’ve been looking at why. Not got to the bottom of it. Yet.
As equestrians, we literally pay someone to judge us! In my book, that takes guts and confidence. Maybe it’s time to stop thinking and just start dancing…
My Mum like to collect things. She had lots of teaspoons at one point. She used to collect hotel soaps and had lots from all over the world. My parents extensively travelled so she had plenty of opportunity to pick them up. There’s still a jar I the cloakroom.
She also was very partial to a fridge magnet. Again, she picked them up all over the world. Their old freezer was covered in the them. When my Dad got replaced it, I bagged up the magnets for safe keeping but they didn’t get put back up.
Today my Dad and I were going through her stuff from the Nursing Home and found this. So I put it on the fridge for her.
It’s very apt too. I have had so many messages from friends checking in on me. It means so much. I’m doing OK. After yesterday’s tears, today I felt calmer. We had a really good meeting with the funeral directors. I’m better when I have a plan or milestones to work towards. I’m navigating this as best I can right now.
I needed to get outdoors today, so I headed over to Wakehurst Place this afternoon. Being outdoors and in nature are good healers for me. With all the emotions and stress of the past few days, I’d usually go for a long ride on Buddy. That’s not an option at the moment. So this was the next best thing.
Wakehurst Place is part of Kew Gardens and the National Trust. My Mum was a lifetime National Trust member, so I borrowed her card. We used to go there together. But I haven’t been for many years.
I walked round the gardens. Then found a bench to sit and reflect. The bench was dedicated with a line from a Wordsworth poem ‘To stay the wanderer’s steps and soothe his thoughts.’ Seemed rather fitting.
I had a chat with a magpie as you do. Before walking up to the highest point. As I sat looking out across the treetops, I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. Luckily there was no-one around.
On my way out, I noticed a plant I recognised. It was a Veronica. My Mum’s favourite. Can’t imagine why?! Guess I’ll be getting one for the garden.
While my Dad was having a nap, I cracked on with some work. As he was still asleep when I finished, I thought I’d catch up with some online training. I didn’t want to wake him, so borrowed my Mum’s headphones. Or cans as we’ve always called them.
Not sure it my best look. Made me giggle. So did the fact I’d matched the wall in my parents dining room.
It’s been rather weird being in my parents house today. I’ve spent many days here on my own. After all, we moved here when I was 4 years old. Today it felt different. Understandably.
But I was being watched. Literally. This photo of my Mum sits on top of the display cabinet. It was a professional photo she’d had taken when she was 21 and had just had her VERY long hair cut short. It’s always been favourite photo for me. Today it brought me comfort.
As did the photos around the house. She looked so vibrant and full of life. The past 5 years have been very tough. Many of you have been on the ‘Parental Rollercoaster’ with me over that time. They’ve both had more than their fair share of medical issues. I’ve seen the inside of far too many hospital wards. I used to joke with my Mum that she didn’t get a prize for ticking them all off! Or frequent NHS flyer point. She definitely wracked up a few! They both have.
Hopefully, I’ve seen the last ward for a while as my Dad was discharged and is now back home…
Tales, Tails and Talus 