Author: langlep

So 2020 was going to be my year. The year I got my life sorted after being served redundancy notice from my job in November 2019. The year I ticked off more things from my horsey bucket list. The year I got my mental health back under control and reduced stress in my life. I had a plan. And it was a good one. Then the plan changed dramatically on 2 January. I came off my horse at speed and broke my ankle. Badly. Like all good equestrians, I got back on and rode back to the yard, sorted Buddy out and then drove myself to A&E. That’s where this journey really began... I was sent home from A&E and told to crack on, only to receive a phone call later to say they’d missed a fracture (and a rather serious one at that). Whoops! So fracture clinic on 3 January, surgery on 5 January and home to recover. I started this blog as a way to chart my recover back to the saddle. As I cleared clinics and competitions out of my diary and wondered what the next few months would bring, it's been a safe space for me to say how I'm feeling. The new plan was to get a new job, to keep Buddy is kept ticking over and recover from my injury. Another good plan! I didn't expect a global pandemic, lockdown and all that happened in 2020. This blog has changed over time but it's continued to be my safe space to share the things going on in my life, with Buddy and the cats. Enjoy!

Talus

So a year ago today, I took Buddy out for our first hack of 2020. It didn’t end well and I broke my talus. Badly.

This was the photo that I took as we started off. Little did I know when we started that it would end so badly and I’d need surgery.

But fixed it is. And I’m very grateful that there are no long term issues with it. Well so far so good. Really hoping the same can be said for Covid…

Felt a little better this morning so in time honoured fashion, I overdid it. You’d think I’d learn by now?! And when I say overdid it, all I did was 2 loads of washing. So I’ve spent the afternoon on the sofa watching Harry Potter. That helped.

Happy New Year

So 2021 has started with a cough and a splutter. I was in bed well before midnight. Woke up fed up and feeling like my wings have been clipped. Again.

It’s a very odd feeling knowing that I can’t go anywhere – even if I did feel up to it. But I’m lucky that my isolation will be over soon. Some have had much longer confinements.

Getting this gorgeous photo of Buddy made me smile and cry at the same time. He really is such a handsome boy. I miss his little face.

My Covid will be gone soon. But it’s on the rise, so please be careful. I never thought it would put me in hospital. Just very grateful that it was just two nights.

Let’s face it, I’m a positive person but this was one positive I could have done without.

Another year done

Well 2020 didn’t exactly go to plan for most of us, but I do think I had more than my fair share of challenges this year.

This year, my list of achievements looks rather slim, but getting through it has probably been the biggest one! It’s been a year like no other and one that I’m not sure any of us will forget in a hurry (as much as we may want to).

Now we know how much I love a list. So here you go lovely people. 2020 the year I:

  • broke my ankle
  • started this blog and shared my journey
  • lost my job but started my own business
  • lost Tom and got Hugo and Dodo
  • made new friends and lost others
  • learnt new skills and got more qualifications
  • had time to do jobs that had been on the list for ages.
  • added a few more hundred jobs to the list
  • spent too much time in hospitals
  • worried too much about my parents health
  • wrote a kids book that’s turned into 10
  • got Covid
  • came very close to the edge more than a few times
  • remembered how much I love walking
  • turned 50
  • learnt a lot about myself
  • missed hugs
  • have cried more than I thought possible

There have been many times when I’m not totally sure how I’ve gotten through these challenges. As the song say ‘I’m still standing’.

Buddy has kept me going for sure. On the days where I haven’t wanted to get up and face the world, he’s been my motivation. He makes me smile. And while we haven’t achieved anything in terms of rosettes, our bond is stronger than ever.

For 2021, I’m hoping for less drama, fewer hospitals and lots more hugs.

I’d like to thank you for taking the time to read my blog and bring a part of my journey. It’s been quite a ride so far. Let’s see what happens next!!

Covid

Let’s talk about Covid. Well my experience of it…

I wasn’t stupid enough to think that I wouldn’t catch it. I took all the right precautions to keep myself safe.

Both of my parents have had it. I wasn’t naive enough to think if I did get it, it wouldn’t affect me.

But I wasn’t prepared to spend 2 nights in hospital with it.

My Covid journey was rapid, unexpected and scary. I went from feeling like I’d just got a cold to being in A&E with an irregular heartbeat.

My symptoms weren’t the usual ones you’re told about. I woke up Boxing Day with a mouthful of ulcers, a sore throat and a snotty nose. I put it down to being rundown. I felt grotty, but no worse than a cold. I’m so glad that I went to be tested Boxing Day morning. The only reason I did was cause I knew I could have been exposed to it at work.

The cough started on Boxing Day afternoon. But it wasn’t the dry continuous one they talk about. It was chesty and chunky.

I got my results back on Sunday afternoon. I burst into tears when I opened the email to find I was positive. I would have laid money that it was going to be negative.

Having to tell people I’d seen was just awful. I felt so guilty, even though I couldn’t have known. Thankfully I’d only seen a small number of people. I thought people would hate me for inadvertently exposing them. It’s a very bizarre feeling.

Having spent most of year in splendid isolation, the thought of more wasn’t terribly appealing. But I knew I could do it. 10 days isn’t that long really in the grand scheme of things.

My heart had started fluttering on Christmas Eve but again I thought I was just tired. It got worse Sunday evening. It felt like I had 2 heartbeats. Very odd. I kept going light headed and almost passing out. And I was just sat still. I’ve never experienced anything like it.

I didn’t get much sleep as you can imagine. My heart was pounding out of my chest and I was rather emotional. Not for the first time this year, I cried myself to sleep.

I called 111 on Monday to check if my heart palpitations were normal or connected to Covid. They wanted me to go for an ECG. Slightly challenging as I couldn’t drive or ask anyone to take me. So paramedics were called. They checked my heart and it was all over the map. Bouncing from 45 to 120 with no clear level. Skipping beats and throwing in extra ones.

They weren’t happy, so off to A&E we went. Arrived at the hospital and had to wait outside till a Red Room was available. Now don’t get any ideas of 50 Shades, this was very different!

I was immediately hooked up to a heart monitor. Watching your heart beat bouncing around like a pinball machine is freaky to say the least! It went from 160 to 0 at one point. It even hit 250! It wouldn’t stay still.

I have a low resting heart rate and my heart rate never goes that high! I may be 50, but I consider myself fit and healthy. I don’t have any underlying health issues. So it was very unnerving seeing two doctors standing watching the monitor as your heart danced about. All in the knowledge that they are putting themselves at risk in order to treat me.

My blood pressure was lower than usual too. Again, it usually on that low side. But was on the floor.

They decided to admit me. But there wasn’t a bed available on the Covid ward, so I spent the night in A&E – feeling scared, exhausted and very alone.

Next morning I made it to the ward. And brought the average demographic down considerably as the other ladies were all late 80s / early 90s. I was full of snot and sneezing constantly. All very odd.

After another night on a heart monitor, my heart started to go back to normal. I’m lucky. The ladies had been in for weeks. I only had to do 2 nights. But they did all have multiple health issues.

I’ve been in hospital before. But never through illness. They’re going to refer me to a cardiologist to check that there isn’t anything else going on. But it seems that the virus is affect everyone differently. It really is a vile virus.

So now I’m back home. Resting. Again. Still full of snot and with a hacking cough. I started the year in hospital after breaking my ankle. Kinda apt that I finished it in hospital too.

Please stay safe and take it seriously. I have always had a huge admiration for anyone who works in the NHS. Everyone is doing the most amazing job, in very odd circumstances.

RIP Chris

This is a sad time of the year for me as I remember my brother who died in 2004. We weren’t close but it still makes me sad every year that he’s not here. I can’t believe it’s been 16 years since he chose to end his life. This is one of the last photos that I have of him. It was taken at my wedding 3 months before, the last time that we were together.

I will never understand why he made the choice he did. It’s not one I could make as I have too much I still want to do. This year has been challenging (and continues to be), but I know it will get better. It will pass. I’ve had some really dark days this year. Days when I wasn’t sure how I would get through. But what is it they say? Tough times don’t last, tough people do. So I must be very tough.

Tonight I’ll raise a glass to his memory. Wherever you are, I hope the decks are hot, the drinks are cold and the party is banging.

I’m home

The last few days have been intense to say the least. I’ll write a blog post later with my experiences of Covid. Hopefully it’ll help others. In the meantime, I’m resting, continuing my isolation and getting my head around the past few days.

Thank you so much for the comments, messages and best wishes. I’m very overwhelmed.

Sneezy

Having spent the night in A&E, I finally made it to the ward this morning. Slept most of the day. When not sleeping, I’ve sneezed. It’s the oddest thing.

My heart is starting to play ball but is still beating to it’s own beat. Really hoping that I can come home tomorrow. I want my own bed. To see the boys. And recover fully.

I’m in a ward with 4 other ladies. I’ve brought the average demographic down by at least 25 years.

The staff at the James Paget are taking good care of me.

A&E

So this isn’t where I thought I’d be spending my BH evening?! I’ve been having hearth palpitations for a few days so they wanted to check it out. Hoping it’s just a reaction to being ill.

Sadly I tested positive for Covid so that makes it all the more awkward. I had to be taken by ambulance as I’m isolating. It really is a horrible virus. I’ve been so careful and still I got it.

Please take it seriously my dear friends. I’m feeling dreadful right now.