In 5 weeks time I will be unemployed. That fact has just hit me. It’ll be a week after I get my cast off (fingers crossed). I’m feeling low and a bit teary. I know it’s just my body processing stuff. Doesn’t make it any easier though.
I love my job and I love the company I work for. I was devastated when I found out they were closing the building I work in and we were being let go. In fact it was the prequel to this journey. My house of cards collapsed and I was signed off with depression. I’ve actually been signed off since the end September. I’m on anti-depressants to help me for the first time in over a decade.
It wasn’t just the job. That was the final straw. 2019 had been a really tough year for me – personally and professionally. Ironically in all the stress and chaos of my life, it was by far my best year with Buddy. We ticked off lots of things from our horsey bucket list, including placing at ODEs, the Suffolk show and the Royal Norfolk.
Buddy was my stable platform (pun intended). He kept me healthy, happy and sane. The hardest thing about my injury is the fact I can’t go and see him. I can’t take the risk of infection or further injury. He’s always been my escape. My distraction from whatever’s going on. My partner-in-crime. The keeper of my secrets.
I can’t do that now, so I’m having to face my current situation. I can’t ride. I can’t unbreak my ankle. I can’t keep my job. So I’m accepting these facts and putting my energy into making things OK for me.
This is the 3rd time I’ve been made redundant. Both times previously were good things for me. Last time my marriage ended around the same time. And I survived that – and selling a house, buying a house, getting a job to keep the house… Nothing major!!
I know this time I’ll be OK too. It’s just hard when you can’t see what OK looks like.
So I’m sorting out my CV. Sorting out my LinkedIn profile. And looking at jobs. And trusting there’s an answer out there.
Tales, Tails and Talus 